S06E08 frame 501 — ClipClopulator

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Oh, boy it's swell to say

S06E08 G-String Circus

00:21 · frame 502 of 31435

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00:05 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
00:08 I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:11 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
00:14 And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:20 Oh, boy it's swell to say
00:24 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [ Grunts ]
00:29 [[ Chorus ] - Good morning, USA.
00:35 I have an announcement to make. I'm taking a semester off.
00:38 [ Spits ]
00:40 Oh, what did you say?
00:41 I was listening to my spit-take instructional tape.
00:43 I'm taking a semester off from school.
00:45 [ Blows ]
00:46 Eh. I can't do it without the tape.
00:49 I hesitated. I'm just— I'm thinking too much.
00:51 Hayley, what are you talking about?
00:53 I'm going to devote my time to the Heifer Project.
00:55 [ Gasps ] No daughter of mine is going into fatty porn!
00:58 The Heifer Project is a charity.
01:00 It provides livestock to families in impoverished countries.
01:03 So, what? You're going over to Africa?
01:05 No. I'm gonna start my own business...
01:06 and give the Heifer Project the proceeds.
01:08 I know the perfect business for you to open up—
01:10 a dry cleaners!
01:11 There's a huge segment of the population that is tired...
01:14 of having their clothes cleaned by Koreans.
01:16 I am a part of that segment.
01:17 Actually, I already have a business idea— organic mulch.
01:20 [ Groans ] That's a terrible idea.
01:22 Hayley, listen to me.
01:23 I'm giving you good advice. Take it.
01:25 Dad, I'm 18. I don't need your advice anymore.
01:31 I'll take your advice...
01:33 if it's love advice.
01:34 [ Imitating Woman ] So my man say he been working late...
01:36 but then Trina call me and tell me she seen his ass in the club.
01:39 But then when I ask him about this nonsense, he tells me he loves me.
01:43 How do I make him tell me the truth but keep our love million-dollar strong?
01:53 smith, why so glum?
01:55 The "C" in C.I.A. doesn't stand for "crestfallen."
01:58 But what if it stood for "cat?
02:01 [ Chattering ] - Meow, meow.
02:03 Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. - [ Male Cat ] Meow, meow.
02:05 [ Meowing Continues ]
02:10 [ Meowing Fades ] - Mmm. So, what's bothering you?
02:12 Hayley doesn't want my advice anymore.
02:15 sir, I have terrible news. I was just doing the end-of-the-year accounting.
02:18 We still have money left in our budget.
02:20 If we don't spend it by the end of the fiscal year, they'll cut our budget for next year!
02:24 Damn it, Robertson! Speak to me in English.
02:26 We have to spend $50,000 by midnight!
02:29 Get me everyone.
02:31 Everyone? - Everyone!
02:32 That's not really my job.
02:35 [ Gasps, Whimpering ]
02:38 You're right. It's not your job.
02:41 Inform Lorraine. Have her send a mass e-mail.
02:44 Now give me a hug.
02:46 You scared me.
02:48 [ Humming ]
02:51 We're okay
02:52 ♪ [ Humming ]
02:55 [ Tires Screeching ]
02:57 [ All Chattering ]
03:01 off [ Rock ] - Gentlemen, do whatever it takes to empty our coffers.
03:04 Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances.
03:07 Oh, the things you can buy with a handful of bills.
03:10 It makes me excited. It gives me the chills.
03:13 There'll be filch-arounds, breeders, hambones and tweeners,
03:16 zobows and debows and blobs that go "eener."
03:19 For a one-dollar bill, you can pull down their Zippers.
03:22 I am the Snorax. I speak for the strippers!
03:27 Sir? - Hmm?
03:28 sir, this place is filled with women of ill repute.
03:31 I'm a little uncomfortable. - Damn it, Smith! You think I'm not?
03:33 I'm terrified!
03:36 Give this man your finest trouser arouser.
03:39 And, you, strangle me while I brush your hair.
03:47 I did it! I got into Space Camp!
03:49 seven days of awesomeness starts tomorrow!
03:52 Wow! I want to go.
03:53 sorry, "roget."
03:55 Space Camp is a special privilege for a select group.
03:58 You wouldn't fit in.
03:59 Wha-— But it's about space. I'm from there!
04:03 Maybe. But you weren't invited.
04:05 Only a chosen few get to rub elbows with astronauts...
04:07 and float weightless in billion-dollar simulators.
04:10 Maybe you should go to fat camp. Damn!
04:13 [ Chuckles ] Because you're taking up so much space right now.
04:15 Oh, damn [ Chuckles ]
04:17 Look, just forget it and go back to surgery or whatever.
04:20 But I want to go to Space Camp!
04:23 I'm done with surgery. I already lost the patient.
04:28 [ Thinking ] You know, the thing about working in a hospital...
04:30 is if you dont have a funny black friend things get pretty boring.
04:34 Vanilla Bear! Let's go grab a beer...
04:36 and see what Carla and the mean janitor are doing.
04:38 [ Screams ] Take whatever you want!
04:40 [I Funky Cold Medina' ]
04:43 [ Continues ] - [ Men Whistling, Laughing ]
04:47 Funky cold medina
04:53 Is everything okay?
04:54 Um, this isn't really my thing.
04:56 Maybe this is your thing.
04:59 Oh, God! Leg cramp!
05:01 Are you all right? - I'm still sexy! I'm still sexy for you, baby!
05:05 Cramp, huh? You need to get a banana in you.
05:08 Uh, I don't do that, sir.
05:10 No, you need to eat a banana. You have a potassium deficiency.
05:13 Hey, Shirley! Banana daiquiri, please!
05:16 Wow You... listened to me.
05:18 Sure. You seem like you know a thing or two.
05:20 You're right. I do know a thing or two. I'm Stan.
05:23 I'm Tanqueray.
05:25 Tanqueray, let me break it down for you.
05:27 Exposing your body for money is wrong.
05:28 The only people who should see you naked are your mother...
05:31 your doctor and your best friend in third grade.
05:33 Just that one time. Under the waterfall. Jeremy Davis.
05:37 The point is, you could do so much more with your life.
05:39 You really think so? - Take my advice. You really can.
05:43 [ Pop ]
05:48 [ Gasps ] You were right! I'm better!
05:51 see? I wish my daughter listened as well as you do.
05:54 If she could just see—
05:55 Hey, Tanqueray...
05:57 how would you like to operate your own dry cleaners?
06:00 I don't know. Yes. I don't know.
06:02 You know. Come. Take a drive with a stranger.
06:05 [ Grunting ]
06:10 More. More!
06:13 [ Grunting ] Yeah!
06:16 I so deserve this. Do it!
06:20 [ Grunting ]
06:27 Hayley, it's impolite to fiddle with trash.
06:30 It's not trash. I'm collecting organic compounds for the mulch I'm developing.
06:33 Well, good for you. You don't have to be such a bitch about it.
06:36 [ Door Opens ]
06:38 What a day! I am pooped.
06:40 Stan, who's this?
06:42 Oh, right. Everyone, this is Tanqueray. she's moving in.
06:45 I'm gonna make her a success. - [ Door Opens ]
06:50 Oh, we're wearing the same outfit.
06:52 Take a good look, sweetie. This is how you wear that.
06:56 Nine years of gymnastics, bitch.
07:04 Roger, please show Tanqueray to Steve's room.
07:06 she'll sleep there while he's at Space Camp. And get her out of those clothes.
07:10 And then rob her, kill her, cut off her head and hands and bury her by the creek.
07:13 Got it. - Actually, no. Just get her changed.
07:16 Oh. We just avoided a funny misunderstanding.
07:18 [ Laughing ] I almost cut your hands off!
07:20 All right, come on. I'll race you upstairs!
07:23 stan, what is going on?
07:25 Hayley had her chance to benefit from my wisdom and guidance.
07:28 Now that's all going to Tanqueray.
07:30 I'm gonna transform her from scum of the earth to captain of industry!
07:36 Uh, hey, Hayley, can you come over here a second?
07:38 I want to show you something.
07:41 What, uh— What did Hayley's face look like when I just told her all that?
07:45 Is she regretting not taking my advice yet?
07:47 What? - Oh, did I call you over?
07:50 I-I meant your mother.
07:53 Hey, Francine. You, uh, take a look at this?
08:02 The first step in teaching Tanqueray to run a successful business...
08:05 is enrolling her in school.
08:08 Tanqueray?
08:09 Tanqueray, wake up.
08:11 Your skanking days are over. Your new business school classes start in half an hour.
08:16 [ Moaning ]
08:17 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, no, no, no!
08:20 Don't ever let me see you naked, okay? - I'm sorry!
08:23 It's all right. No harm done.
08:25 I'm completely fine. Just meet me in the car in 15 minutes.
08:29 Francine, meet me in the shower immediately.
08:35 [ Chattering ]
08:37 [ Whooshing ]
08:38 [ Crowd Cheering ]
08:42 Welcome... to a Space Camp!
08:45 [ Cheering ]
08:46 You guys are in for a treat.
08:48 Because instead of doing our normal Space Camp activities...
08:51 we'll be spending all week meeting Nasa's earthbound heroes—
08:55 our wonderful administrative support staff!
08:59 [ Murmuring, Light Applause ]
09:03 Uh, but we're still gonna be doing cool space stuff, right?
09:06 Like-Like flight simulation...
09:08 or maybe a turn with that jet pack?
09:10 No. That was last week or next week.
09:12 Now, put your hands together...
09:15 for the members of today's eight-hour panel.
09:19 First up, Head of Human Resources, Judith Collins!
09:27 Next, Director of Payroll Disbursement, Karen Snur!
09:32 [ Light Applause ]
09:37 Houston, we dont have a problem...
09:39 with any of our building's paint...
09:41 thanks to Acting Head of Paint and Plaster Repair, Art... Fitzgerald-Yee!
09:46 - Art! [ Light Applause ]
09:50 Keep it going for Vice President of Peer Mentoring...
09:54 Ellen "The Duck" Ducker.
09:57 [ Quacking Rapidly ]
09:59 [ Laughing ]
10:02 [ Quacking Continues ] - [ Laughing Continues ] "The Duck'!
10:07 There's my little future dry cleaner. How was your exam today?
10:10 It made me sad... until I drew a bird on it.
10:14 You didn't turn it in?
10:16 Guess what, you guys. The city decided to use my mulch!
10:19 They've ordered a hundred bags. That buys the Heifer Project a hen and half a burro.
10:23 Congratulations, honey.
10:25 How's Tanqueray doing?
10:27 Is she a dry cleaning mogul?
10:28 Is she getting "a de-luxe apartment in the sky? [ Laughs ]
10:32 I don't know if that's funny enough for you to leave on!
10:35 stan, why don't you just admit your plan isn't working?
10:38 Hayley's doing fine on her own.
10:40 And Tanqueray's obviously not cut out for school.
10:44 I colored my bird!
10:47 You're right, Francine.
10:48 I'm gonna take her out of school and go straight to phase two of my plan.
10:52 Four more strippers!
10:54 They're moving in with Tanqueray. - [ Gum Pops ]
10:56 Stan, that's four more mouths to feed!
10:58 And eight more hands to work the dry cleaning business I bought this morning.
11:02 What? - Don't worry, honey.
11:03 When it takes off, we'll be rich.
11:05 Hayley's gonna be so sorry she didn't listen to me.
11:07 All right. Let's get you ladies settled in.
11:10 Now, some ground rules— All of you are gonna get on my menstrual cycle...
11:14 which begins next Wednesday.
11:16 Anyone on their flow right now?
11:18 Stop. Stop it.
11:21 Okay?
11:27 This place blows.
11:29 I can't believe we're stuck here all week.
11:31 My bed is short and wide!
11:34 You're sleeping the wrong way! - [ Beeps ]
11:38 Hey, it's a message from home!
11:40 "Start streaming this video."
11:41 Oh, thank God! Some contact with the outside world.
11:45 [ Slow Pop]
11:47 [ Steve ] Hey, that's my room!
11:50 Hey, Steve. remember how you said I couldnt go to Space Camp?
11:53 Well check it out you smug little bastard
11:55 Five strippers are living in your room, and they're totally horny.
11:58 Melinda, Alison, go!
12:00 [ Moaning ]
12:04 They're kissing where we practice kissing!
12:07 We gotta get home! We got to break out of this place!
12:10 See you in hell— [ Beeps ]
12:12 Okay, girls, pillow fight!
12:15 [ Cans Rattle ]
12:16 Oops. Forgot I put some sodas in there.
12:21 Ladies, six of the 10 richest men in America...
12:24 made their fortune off of dry cleaning or other businesses.
12:26 So let's get in there and make some money!
12:29 Woo! - Yeah, baby!
12:31 Whoo-hoe!
12:32 Ah, man! Landlord gave me the wrong key.
12:34 Jackass coked-up Armenian.
12:36 It's all right. We can do what we want. It's our door.
12:39 [ Alarm Wailing ]
12:43 This is not our dry cleaners. I think we're a block over. Go, go, go, go, go!
12:46 [ Alarm Continues ]
12:55 Girls, I don't understand. Why don't we have any customers?
12:57 Well, sometimes it takes a while for a business to get going.
13:00 Like when Bosoms opened up. No one went to Bosoms, right? And now people go to Bosoms.
13:04 Mm-hmm.
13:06 [ Bell Dings ] - [ Gasps ]
13:07 Oh. Hi. Sorry.
13:09 Are you still helping number zero?
13:11 Because I'm next. I'm one. - What do you want, Hayley?
13:13 I just wanted to give you a store-warming present.
13:16 A bag of my mulch.
13:18 It's filled with crap, just like you!
13:22 [ Bell Dings ] - Now, that is funny enough for you to leave on.
13:26 [ Bell Dings ]
13:29 So, how's business?
13:30 Great. Look at all the clothes we have.
13:33 Okay. I'm gonna explain this one more time.
13:35 I bought the clothes and spruced up the store so it would look like we have customers...
13:39 thus attracting real customers.
13:41 What is so hard to understand about that?
13:43 The other girls get it. Right, Deborah?
13:45 [ Gasping ]
13:49 [ Inhales Deeply ] I'm hungry.
13:51 Come on, we need to make this work!
13:53 For God's sake, I bought a floor-length chinchilla here.
13:55 Maybe we should all just go back to stripping, like Tanqueray.
13:59 Wait. Tanqueray is doing what?
14:01 she felt bad your business was failing...
14:03 so she went to the strip club to make your money back.
14:05 No, no! If she goes back to stripping, then I failed...
14:08 and Hayley was right not to listen to me!
14:10 I can't let that happen!
14:12 [ Bell Dings ] - [ Door Closes ]
14:13 Hey, has Stan tried to rape either of you guys yet?
14:16 No. - No.
14:17 It's weird, right?
14:18 [ Rock ] - [ Women Cheering ]
14:21 [I Continues ]
14:22 [ Cheering Continues ]
14:28 Is Tanqueray here? - [ High-pitched Voice ] Oh, no.
14:30 She worked this afternoon, but now it's ladies' night, so she went home.
14:34 Wow. Your voice Is... sweet.
14:36 Yeah. My gonads are tucked inside my abdomen.
14:39 I was born with what doctors call "bashful testicles."
14:42 Oh. - [ Phone Rings, Beeps ]
14:45 Stan, we just got a call from the bank.
14:48 They say we haven't paid our car payment or the mortgage!
14:51 Is this because you sunk all our money into the dry cleaners?
14:54 Let's look at the positives here, Francine.
14:56 I could have been born with bashful testicles.
14:59 You tell the bank to think about that. - You!
15:02 With the 60-inch chest! How hairy are you?
15:05 What? Uh—
15:07 Damn it, I don't have time for you to estimate.
15:09 Yes! You're perfect.
15:11 I had three dancers cancel on me.
15:13 How'd you like to make 600 dollars?
15:15 A day? - An hour!
15:17 Tax-free, all cash.
15:19 I really can't- Cash?
15:22 If you're having money problems, this could be your possible solution.
15:26 What do I do?
15:28 Now gyrate! Come on, shake it.
15:31 [ Pop ]
15:33 Yeah! You're a natural!
15:35 Now rip my pants off!
15:38 Now kiss me! - What?
15:40 I said, get out there!
15:43 Protect yourself, Victor.
15:44 You can't take another heartbreak right now!
15:54 How's the mulch business going, sweetie?
15:56 Well, I'm not doing as well as I thought.
15:58 Once I paid all my costs and taxes, I'm barely breaking even.
16:01 Well, look. Maybe you should forget about...
16:03 all those starving kids you let down...
16:05 and think about how long you've been single.
16:08 Mom! - Join a gym!
16:09 [ Door Opens ] - Check it out! I'm back!
16:12 Bam! Told you the dry cleaning business would be a success.
16:15 My advice is so good, even strippers can benefit from it.
16:18 Bong! Zing!
16:21 This is all from dry cleaning?
16:22 That's right, baby. We turned it around.
16:24 Francine, I found this G-string outside.
16:27 Please wash it, and then I will put it back outside.
16:36 [ Loud Screaming ]
16:40 [[ Thunderclap ]
16:42 [ Screaming Continues ]
16:49 [ Screaming Continues ]
16:54 [ Screaming Continues ] - [ Thunderclap ]
16:59 [ Screaming Continues ]
17:05 [ Both Screaming ]
17:07 [ Screaming ]
17:09 [ Screams ]
17:11 [ All Screaming ] - [ Thunderclap ]
17:14 [ Alarm Wailing ]
17:17 [ Dance ] - [ Women Cheering ]
17:19 [ Cheering Continues ]
17:23 How are they? - Typical Tuesday crowd.
17:26 Everybody wants to grab it, but nobody wants to pay for it.
17:29 Worst part is, I keep getting aroused.
17:31 How long before the dance boners go away?
17:33 You can still get erections? - You're straight?
17:36 [ Rock ]
17:40 I don't know if I want to be here, Roger.
17:42 Come on! A little wang will cheer you right up.
17:44 So your mulch business is going under. It's not the end of the world.
17:47 Yeah. It just means my dad was right.
17:51 Are you supposed to be pregnant or fat?
17:52 Eight months preggers.
17:54 They don't make you buy the two-drink minimum when you're knocked up.
17:57 Snuck in my own. [ Whispers ] This is a party ball.
18:00 [ Tap Pours ]
18:02 Ah, perfect pour.
18:05 That, however, was urine I just drank.
18:08 ale' [ Pop ] - [ Chattering ]
18:10 [ Cheering ]
18:15 [ Slurring ] I'm starting to get the very bad feeling...
18:17 that none of these boys are gonna go full pickle tonight.
18:21 [[ Man On Speakers ] Okay, ladies, open up your purses and show some love...
18:23 for a real Renaissance man—
18:27 Michael Dangalow!
18:29 ♪ Hit it - ♪ [ Hip-hop. "It Takes Two" ]
18:34 -,* Whoo -,* Yeah
18:36 -,* Whoo -,* Yeah
18:38 [ Cheering Intensifies ]
18:40 Oh, my God!
18:42 I know. Look at that meat. French me for a 20!
18:45 Roger, that's my dad! - Stan?
18:49 Ooh! It takes two to make a thing go right.
18:52 -,* Yeah -,* Whoo
18:54 ♪ [ Continues ] - [ Screaming ]
18:57 [ Screams ]
18:58 I wanna rock right now
18:59 Hayley, this isn't how I wanted you to find out...
19:02 but your daddy is a brilliant painter.
19:04 Dad, is this where all the dry cleaning money was coming from?
19:07 No wonder it was all in crumpled ones. You are such a liar!
19:10 Hayley, wait! - Hang on. I paid for a three-song dance!
19:14 Not now, Roger! - Vic!
19:16 Hey, Shelley. - Hi, Victor.
19:18 Listen, your stallion here is trying to run out on his dance.
19:22 Vic, listen— - You listen!
19:23 shelley was a dancer here for three years.
19:26 Now she's family. You keep her happy.
19:28 [ Groans ]
19:30 No. No.
19:32 Lean forward and look back. That's what I like.
19:36 And make it rain, make it rain, make it-
19:39 And look at me like you're a virgin!
19:44 Oh, Tanqueray, you leaving?
19:46 Yeah. I'm gonna try and get in Playboy.
19:48 I've got a lot of good short stories.
19:50 This suitcase is filled with science fiction.
19:53 I'm sorry my father messed with your life with his stupid advice.
19:56 I am so pissed at him.
19:58 Hey, at least he's taking an interest in you. More than my dad ever did.
20:01 And besides, he can be pretty smart sometimes.
20:04 He was right about putting a banana in me.
20:06 Well, good-bye.
20:10 [ Engine Starts, Vehicle Departs ]
20:12 Did that girl just leave? I think she stole my jewelry!
20:16 Hayley, I'm sorry.
20:18 I didn't want to admit my dry cleaning business was a bad idea and—
20:21 Well, the truth is, you were right.
20:24 You're 18. You don't need my advice anymore.
20:26 Yeah, maybe I don't.
20:28 But it's nice to know you care enough to offer it.
20:33 The good silver's missing!
20:35 I'm calling the police!
20:37 Actually, I pawned it all to pay down my debt.
20:40 [ Chuckles ] You know, nothing cheers you up like being in a pawn shop.
20:43 Because chances are, you're going to see a Flintstones alarm clock.
20:46 Out of my way!
20:51 Steve, where are the strippers?
20:53 I don't know! - Hey, look who's back.
20:56 Where are the girls? - Oh, you missed them. They're gone.
20:58 Aw! - [ Groaning ]
21:00 But here's a dirty G-string. Enjoy!
21:02 [ Sniffing ]
21:04 It's your dad's. [ Laughing ] - [ Screams ]
21:06 [ Retching, Coughing ] - [ Laughing Continues ]
21:08 I made it rain, made it rain, I made it rain on them boys
21:44 Bye! Have a beautiful time.