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You bet I do.

S05E16 Delorean Story-an

04:42 · frame 6772 of 31507

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00:05 Good morning, U.S.A.
00:07 I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:11 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
00:14 And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:20 Oh, boy, it's swell to say
00:24 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [ Grunts ]
00:29 [Chorus ] ~ Good morning, USA.
00:36 "Cello," everyone.
00:38 Steve, whoever told you that is funny is not looking out for your best interests.
00:42 Steve, your friend can't stay for dinner.
00:44 This isn't a Stove Top stuffing commercial.
00:46 No, this is my cello. I've been playing it for five years?
00:49 Since you were two? - Dad, I'm 14.
00:51 -I don't think so. - [Sighs ]
00:54 I feel like Dad barely knows me. I just wish we could bond.
00:58 Oh, you're growing into such a sensitive young woman.
01:01 Steve, here's the thing. You have to take some initiative.
01:04 You know, share something with him. - Hmm. Okay.
01:08 Hey, Dad, I'd like to share something with you.
01:12 [I Single Note ]
01:14 That was going nowhere. Mail call!
01:16 Per usual, I opened and read everything. You're welcome.
01:19 Frannie, you got some cleaning coupons 'cause that's what you do...
01:21 and, Klaus, you got nothing because people think you're dead.
01:24 You know, you don't have to say that every time.
01:26 You could just not hand me anything.
01:28 Anything for me? - Yes, you got a nice little package.
01:31 [ Chuckles ] And— And you also got something in the mail.
01:35 Yes! - What is it, Stan?
01:37 Uh— This? In the box? Uh, wrong number.
01:40 Why do people always call during dinner?
01:44 Wait. Dad, don't you want to hear my song?
01:48 Steve, here's your copy of Neglected Child Monthly.
01:51 Kidding, but how perfect would that be?
01:53 You'd be on the cover. [ Laughs ] Crying.
01:58 So I learned something new at cello rehearsal today.
02:01 You see these things right here? They're called f-holes.
02:04 F-holes. [ Laughs ]
02:06 Right? - Hey, there's Dad.
02:10 What's he doing? - Bet he's having an affair...
02:12 with one of those self-storage whores.
02:14 Frannie, pull over. - [ Francine ] Stan?
02:16 Ooh! - What is this?
02:18 I can explain.
02:19 [Choir]
02:21 A DeLorean? [ Gasps ] Are you running coke? - No!
02:25 I get it. We'll talk later. I'm good for half a key.
02:28 Look, I wanted to keep the car a secret till it was done.
02:31 I've been building it piece by piece for the last six years.
02:34 You've been working on this stupid thing for six years?
02:38 You're gonna hate yourself for that when you see it in the right light.
02:40 Why is Dad building a DeLorean?
02:42 Hello? Mcfly? It's the car from Back to the Future!
02:46 -[ Lasers Whirring ] - [ Steve ] It's magnificent!
02:50 Stan, how much did this cost?
02:53 16,000, plus another three G's for the lights and fog machine.
02:56 [ Shouts ] I] What? Stan, you told me we couldn't afford...
02:59 the shoulder surgery I needed!
03:01 All right, calm down. I'm almost done.
03:03 I got the stick shift knob in the mail today.
03:05 All I need now is the passenger gull-wing door, and I am finished—
03:09 six years and $47,000 later.
03:12 [ Shouts ] What? -I mean, whatever number I said before.
03:18 [ Grunting ]
03:22 Francine, I don't want to tell you what you sound like you're doing.
03:26 Pooping. There. Happy? You embarrassed us both.
03:29 I found it! - Found what? Clearly not your inside voice.
03:32 The gull-wing door. The last piece to your DeLorean!
03:36 How? I've looked everywhere. - Craigslist.
03:39 Craigslist? What is that, like Schindler's List?
03:41 Somebody ought to tell Craig the Jews are doing just fine now— excelling even.
03:45 It's a Web site. There's a guy in Albuquerque who's selling the door.
03:48 If you want it, you gotta go get it. It's first come, first serve.
03:51 Then I better get directions. I'll Google Map the nearest Rand Mcnally store.
03:55 Dad, I was thinking maybe you'd want some... company? - Nope!
04:03 Stan, maybe you should take Steve.
04:05 Steve who? Guttenberg?
04:07 Yeah! Now that's a road trip.
04:09 Picking up tail, signing autographs.
04:11 "All the best. Love, Mahoney."
04:14 No, Steve Smith. Your son?
04:16 Ooh. Ouch. Not so sure, babe.
04:18 We don't really connect. We have nothing in common.
04:20 Wh-What would we even talk about?
04:22 Ask him about school. It's the perfect opportunity to bond.
04:26 [ Groans ] I don't know. - Either you take Steve...
04:28 or you sell that DeLorean and get me surgery.
04:31 Fine. Steve, go pack. We leave in five.
04:34 [Steve Shouts, Cackles ]
04:38 There they go. You know what this means, don't ya?
04:42 You bet I do.
04:43 What? What does it mean, Francine?
04:46 I-- I don't know. Sorry.
04:49 That's okay. You were just showing that you were listening.
04:51 It means that with Stan and Steve gone...
04:53 we're gonna have an adventure of our own.
04:55 So let's all come up with three potential escapades...
04:58 and meet in an hour to pitch.
05:01 You know, I'm having fun already.
05:03 am on a lot of prescription pills though.
05:06 Ooh. Is that a story? No. It's an addiction.
05:20 So, school?
05:22 School, school, school.
05:26 You go to school? - Yes.
05:27 Excellent. Have they taught you cursive?
05:30 What? Yes. In third grade.
05:32 Good. You're gonna need that. A lot of business takes place in cursive.
05:41 [ Sighs ]
05:43 So, uh, you have any brothers or sisters?
05:57 Want to play a game? - No. Fun is distracting.
06:00 I Spy isn't very fun. - Fine.
06:04 I spy with my little eye something... big.
06:09 Is it the desert? - Yes!
06:11 You were right. That wasn't fun.
06:15 "Trapeze school"?
06:17 Well, zany outfits, circus food. One of us could really get hurt.
06:21 Could be fun. You see, Hayley, that's how you make the "maybe" pile.
06:25 Shouldn't we do something more meaningful?
06:28 Like what, Hayley?
06:29 Well, you know what would be really fun?
06:32 A lot of Central American children are born with harelips.
06:35 Yes. Freak porn, right? Love it. We rent a camera, go down to Hope Street—
06:38 No, no. We raise money and awareness.
06:41 You know, have fun by doing good.
06:44 You know what? Let's call it for today.
06:46 I thought we were making progress.
06:48 I Know you did. See you tomorrow.
06:56 Check it out. A wallet made of rabbit fur.
06:58 This must be what Indian millionaires use. - Yeah, probably.
07:02 I'm buying this. It's my new everyday wallet.
07:04 I don't use a wallet. I just keep my money loose.
07:07 Oh. You're not, uh— You're not worried about it falling out of your pocket?
07:11 No. No, I'm not.
07:14 [Both Laughing ]
07:17 "How"... does that feel, Son?
07:19 I don't know, Dad. I have some "reservations" about wearing this.
07:24 Ah! - Ah!
07:25 [ Both Laughing ]
07:28 No junk food, Pop. We didn't run the father-son marathon for nothing.
07:32 Yeah, you're right. Hey, Son, peanut me.
07:36 Let's hit the road, you old polecat.
07:44 H-Hey, Dad, how about a healthy snack?
07:46 Sure. - Cottage cheese.
07:52 Uh—Uh-
07:55 Uh, uh— Uh— Uh—
07:59 Uh! Uh. Uh.
08:04 Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.
08:09 Uh. Uh. Uh, uh, uh.
08:13 Sorry about the cottage cheese.
08:15 Oh, that's all right. You old polecat!
08:18 [ Grunts ]
08:24 [ Creaking ]
08:30 Sorry. I-i-i-- I-- Y-You know—
08:33 Oh-ho-ho, my God.
08:35 Guys, guys, I'm the one who's sorry.
08:38 Those bikes were parked way too close to each other.
08:41 Accident waiting to happen.
08:43 But it's like my tattoo says—
08:52 [ Squeaks ]
09:00 None of our adventure ideas are any good.
09:02 But I still like my idea of putting David Blaine in an airless refrigerator.
09:06 Nah, I hate new-school street magic.
09:08 I like dirty punk magic. I like Criss Angel. He freaks my mind!
09:13 Filthy little mind freaker, that's what he is.
09:16 Hey! "Crash the French ambassador's masquerade ball."
09:20 And it's this Saturday night. See, that's good, Francine.
09:23 Then it's settled. - I think I got it.
09:26 We start a protest newspaper. Eh?
09:29 [ Stifled Laugh ] Home run, Canseco. Newspaper it is.
09:33 Come back to us when you've worked out literally everything.
09:36 Bon voyage, Hayley.
09:38 [ Speaking Gibberish In French Accent ]
09:43 [ Chewing ]
09:46 Whoa!
09:47 [ Pops Loudly ] - Ha! Wow!
09:49 Wanna do one? - I'll just watch. I don't know how.
09:52 You don't know how to blow a bubble?
09:53 And you don't know how to make love to a woman...
09:55 so not everyone knows how to do everything, okay, Steve?
09:57 I'll teach you. Here. Chew.
10:00 [ Chewing ] All right. Now what?
10:02 I want you to flatten that gum out into a sheet.
10:05 [ Chewing ] Okay.
10:07 Now, take that sheet and pretend it's a ghost costume...
10:10 and you're dressing your tongue up to go out trick-or-treatin'.
10:14 All right.
10:16 'Kay. I want you to blow a very gentle channel of air into the ghost costume.
10:24 You're doing it!
10:25 All right, all right. Slow down. Reel it back in.
10:28 Reel it— Reel— Reel it back in! - My eyes!
10:31 -[ Tires Screeching ] - Get it off! Get it off
10:33 Dad! The road! [ Screams ] -[ Horn Honks ]
10:35 [ Screaming Continues ]
10:44 -[ Screams ] - What? What?
10:46 [ Screams ]
10:49 [ Creaking ]
10:51 My heart is beating out of my chest.
10:53 I saw the face of God in that pink sticky.
10:56 Now what? - We need some help.
10:59 You da man.
11:02 Hello, friend. As you can see, we're in a bit of a bind.
11:05 You askew my mirror. - I what now?
11:08 I askew yours. - [Squeaks ]
11:10 There. Balance.
11:13 Yin, yang.
11:16 [ Crash, Explosion ]
11:22 That was not my intent. - [ Car Door Slams ]
11:25 Sayonara, butt-face!
11:27 -[ Tires Squealing ] - [ Both Coughing ]
11:32 Tonight is going to be so much fun.
11:34 I feel like the belle of the ball.
11:36 Yeah, well, I'm the belle of the ball, so you can feel however you want.
11:39 [ Door Opens, Closes ] - [ Gasps ] Hayley!
11:42 You started an adventure without me? Why wouldn't you include me?
11:46 You're no fun. - What? I-I'm fun!
11:49 [ Laughs ] Oh, you— you sweet man-faced girl.
11:53 You're not fun. I was having fun...
11:55 and then I saw you, and my fun went soft.
11:57 Forget you guys! - [ Door Opens, Slams ]
12:00 [ Speaking French ]
12:03 [Speaking French ] -[ French ]
12:06 [ Bird Shrieking ]
12:09 Okay, we still have money. We'll hitchhike to the next town and rent a car.
12:13 We'll still get that door. -[ Hisses ]
12:15 Stay back. No sudden movements. -[ Rattling ]
12:18 -[Grunting ] - What are you doing?
12:20 Saving us. Haven't you ever heard of a trouser snake?
12:23 I don't think you have that quite— - Shh!
12:32 I'll get it.
12:35 Got it. - [ Shrieks ]
12:37 Hey! - [Shrieking Continues ]
12:41 What the hell?
12:47 There's so much crime in the desert!
12:58 Not sure if anyone's gonna pick up a half-naked 42-year-old...
13:01 and his young boy companion.
13:03 Just sayin'. - This is all your fault.
13:05 We're in this whole mess because of you and your stupid bubble gum lesson.
13:08 No. We're in this mess because you punched me into that Asian guy's mirror.
13:11 Well, you practically handed my rabbit wallet to that hawk.
13:14 Ah, this whole trip was a bad idea.
13:17 I thought we could bond. But clearly that's impossible.
13:20 It's not my fault we have nothing in common.
13:22 Sure, we do. We both clearly like Back to the Future.
13:25 What's that? - Back to the Future!
13:28 The classic time-traveling comedy?
13:30 Never heard of it. You know I hate time-based comedies—
13:32 Mannequin 2 being the obvious exception.
13:35 Then why are you building a DeLorean?
13:37 Because I always admired John DeLorean.
13:39 The man had a magnificent chin and a dream—
13:42 to build a car company from the ground up.
13:45 I just wanted to capture a little piece of that magic...
13:48 make something I could be proud of.
13:51 [ Sighs ] I guess it was a stupid dream.
13:54 No, Dad. It's not a stupid dream.
13:57 It's a good dream. And it's your dream.
14:03 And that guy's dream. He's after our door!
14:06 We've got to beat him to it! Come on!
14:15 Son, I've been at the CIA. for 20 years.
14:18 Never ruffled any feathers, always done my job.
14:20 In doing so, I've collected exactly two favors.
14:24 [ Helicopter Overheard ]
14:27 That's one.
14:29 And two.
14:31 [Engine Revving ] - What are you doing? Get in!
14:34 Just a sec. This is gonna be good. - [ Horn Honking ]
14:36 Come on! - Go! Go!
14:45 Yea! [ Laughs ]
14:56 [ Yawns ]
14:59 You gonna be all right if I catch a couple Z's, Pop? Pretty sleepy.
15:02 Go ahead, bud. Don't worry about me.
15:04 I'm fueled by pure adrenaline.
15:06 I'm just gonna rest my eyes.
15:13 [Tires Screech ]
15:19 Hey, look who's up.
15:25 Andy? Oh, my God, Andy!
15:28 Oh— Oh, are you okay? What happened?
15:31 Oh, no. Can you move your neck?
15:33 Oh, God!
15:35 Oh, no, no! I wanted to win, but not like this!
15:38 Oh! We had different approaches, sure, but I always respected the hell out of you.
15:44 [ Voice Breaking ] Oh! My buddy!
15:46 [ Gasps ] Do you know what? [ Sniffs ]
15:49 Do you know what? We are gonna finish this.
15:52 Together. [ Sobs ]
15:55 Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go.
15:58 [ Grunts, Sobbing ]
16:01 Let's go. [ Sobbing ]
16:04 [ Speaking Gibberish In French Accent ]
16:07 Oh, cut it out, Roger. Tonight was a bust.
16:10 We were the only ones in period costumes...
16:13 and your gibberish got me punched in the boob.
16:16 Well, at least we're more fun than Hayley.
16:18 Oh, really? Why don't you open the fridge?
16:24 David Blaine! You used my idea!
16:29 He's dead!
16:31 Oh, my God! He said he could hold his breath!
16:33 I'm sorry. You are fun, Hayley. I'm gonna kick him.
16:38 Criss Angel? You freak my mind, you filthy punk.
16:42 Come see my room.
16:50 [ Beeping ]
16:51 Great Scott. That door is mine!
16:53 I've been looking for it for years!
16:55 I don't know what you're talking about.
16:58 My dad and I are just headed to Santa Fe to sell our unique collection of turquoise jewelry.
17:02 You know, the Navajo believe that turquoise— Floor it, Dad!
17:05 [ 50s Rock]
17:10 We gotta get this DeLorean up to 88 miles an hour.
17:13 [ Gasps ] You did see the movie!
17:15 What? No, I'm just saying, that's as fast as this car goes.
17:18 Not very powerful. Neat looking though.
17:21 [ Tires Squealing ]
17:31 [ Whirring ]
17:41 [ Ends ]
17:44 Take it easy out there, Mr. Smith, Mr. Kerkhoff.
17:46 I mean, what kind of a rush could you two be in?
17:50 You're in time machines. [ Chuckles ] You got all the time you need.
17:53 [ Both Laughing ] -[ Laughing ]
17:56 I don't get it.
17:58 Hey, that's not your DeLorean.
18:00 Oh. Whoops. My mistake.
18:03 Butt-head.
18:08 Thanks. I needed one of these.
18:10 -[ Tires Screech ] - Oh, my God!
18:12 [ Engine Sputtering ] -[ Tires Screeching ]
18:16 I can't win like this. I feel like I'm shaking hands with a cat.
18:20 Get next to him. He's not getting away with this!
18:23 [ Tires Screeching ]
18:29 Steve, the Libyans!
18:38 I believe this belongs to my dad.
18:44 Hey, Son, knob me.
18:52 That was awesome!
18:55 Do not tell your mom I let you jump from a moving car... twice.
18:58 Really. Steve? Look at me. Not a word.
19:05 [Gears Grinding ] - Damn it!
19:11 [ Tires Screech ]
19:14 [ Choir ] -[ Exclaims ]
19:16 You guys here for the desk?
19:18 No, we're here for the DeLorean door.
19:19 You sure? It's a nice desk.
19:21 [ Tires Screech ]
19:23 You here for the desk? - No, I'm here for the door.
19:26 Oh. Well, these two were here first. The door is theirs.
19:31 Woo-hoo! - Yes! I can't believe it! We did it!
19:33 We did it! We won! It's over!
19:35 Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes! Yes! Yes!
19:44 You know what, old stuff? Let him have it.
19:46 What? - What?
19:48 Go ahead. - [ Gasps ] Mmm. Oh, yeah.
19:50 Oh, yes. Mmm. Mmm. [ Kissing ]
19:54 Dad, what are you doing? - See that guy over there dry-humping the door?
19:58 You know where he's going? - No.
20:00 Neither does he. But we know where we're going. To find another door.
20:05 [ Kissing Continues ]
20:08 Don't you see, Son? Finding DeLorean doors is our thing.
20:12 Hey, yeah. I guess it is.
20:15 Course it is, you old polecat.
20:17 [ Screams ]
20:18 [Tires Squeal ]
20:22 Oop. Sorry. Now, to keep our cool factor a 10...
20:25 I'm gonna pull her around, go real slow, and you just hop in when it feels right.
20:28 [ Tires Squeal ]
20:30 [ Grunting ]
20:34 -[ Groans ] -[ Tires Squeal ]
20:36 Oop. Gunned it prematurely. I'm sorry. Hang on.
20:39 Coming back around. Keep the dream alive.
20:42 [ Groans ]
20:44 [ Panting, Grunts ]
20:46 -[ Panting ] - There we go.
20:53 [ Grunting ]
20:55 [ Buzzing ]
20:57 [ Grunting Continues ]
21:00 We- We did it, Andy! W-We did it, old friend!
21:04 [ Sobbing ]
21:07 Oh, my God.
21:09 [ Sobbing ]
21:46 Bye. Have a beautiful time.