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S06E16 Bully for Steve

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00:05 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
00:08 I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:11 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
00:14 And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:20 Oh, boy it's swell to say
00:24 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [ Grunts ]
00:29 [[ Chorus ] - Good morning, USA.
00:34 You guys see my rad new camera?
00:36 I'm pursuing a newfound passion—
00:39 crime scene photography.
00:40 Ooh, like the guys on CSI?
00:42 Yes, Klaus. Remember we were watching CSI together...
00:45 and I was like, "I want to do that"...
00:46 and you were like, "You totally should?
00:48 Ring a bell? - Not at all.
00:50 Are you sure you weren't just high on angel dust talking to the ceiling fan?
00:53 Oh, that's right! Anyway, I need a portfolio...
00:55 of some gruesome, hard-to-look-at photos.
00:58 And I'm not talking about shots of the new Asian Kenny Rogers, so don't even make that joke.
01:01 Don't got the time. - [ Horn Honks, Tires Screech ]
01:03 [ Vehicles Crash ] - Oh! My first photo!
01:05 I took down the stop sign on Forest Wood Drive.
01:07 Looks like I got a bite!
01:09 [ Door Opens ]
01:10 Steve's up! Morning, every— [ Screams ]
01:13 I'm okay!
01:15 Steve, a homosexual giant called.
01:17 He said he wants his shirt back. - [ Rings, Beeps ]
01:20 Hello? - False alarm, baby.
01:22 It was under the daybed. sorry for the confusion.
01:25 Gotta go. I blamed a lot of people for this one.
01:28 [ Giggles ] - [ Beeps ]
01:30 [ Beeps ] - Turns out he found it. So, whose shirt is that?
01:32 Mine. The guy at the store told me it was a small...
01:34 but when I got home and took it out of the bag, it was a double X.L.
01:37 So? Take It back.
01:38 Oh, I already opened the package.
01:41 What if he doesn't let me return it? I don't prefer confrontation.
01:44 Son, go upstairs, find your nads--
01:46 they're probably in your Lego tub—
01:48 then go back to that store and demand the correct size!
01:50 Leave Steve alone.
01:51 He's a gentle soul, and I love him for it.
01:54 And I love you, Mama Bear.
01:58 [ Screams ]
02:00 I'm not okay! [ Groans ]
02:03 [ Sighs ] Is Steve always this passive?
02:05 God, I better look into this.
02:07 Oh, you're worrying about a hill of bananas.
02:09 Am I? I don't think so.
02:11 By the way, "hill of bananas? I like that. Is that a real expression?
02:15 Good for you!
02:19 Okay, kid, let's see how wimpy you really are.
02:24 [ Winces, Seethes ]
02:26 Oh, God. That's peppery.
02:32 It's all right, sugar. We'll cross together.
02:38 Brenda's got you. You're her whole world right now.
02:42 Brenda's my dead cousin.
02:44 she's watching over both of us.
02:56 French bread pizza! My favorite!
03:02 Come on, Steve, do something!
03:04 Oh, don't start crying.
03:06 Why are you pulling out your cell phone? Who are you calling?
03:08 [ Rings, Beeps ]
03:09 [Steve] Daddy!
03:11 [ Sobbing ] Pick me up! I'm sick!
03:19 [ Groans ]
03:24 Oh, hell, no.
03:26 Hey. Hey, boy Dad!
03:28 What are you doing? - I was gonna meet the guys at the new park.
03:30 But I didn't realize it was gonna be so hilly. Can I get a ride to the top?
03:34 No way. Jose, listen.
03:36 Obstacles are meant to be overcome.
03:38 Rise to the challenge and get up that hill.
03:40 Go play with your friends in the park.
03:43 [ Inhales, Sighs ]
03:47 Nah. Toshi will text me a picture.
03:49 Between me and you, I just want to see the landscaping.
03:53 You shy away from— Oh, God! Oh, my God! - [ Parking Brake Clicks ]
03:58 You shy away from every challenge.
04:00 I'm shy. - Well, you can't shy away from a crate of oranges.
04:03 A crate of oranges?
04:05 Yes. Imagine someday you live in a four-story walk-up apartment.
04:08 What? Like a brownstone? - Yes, like a brownstone.
04:12 Now, you've got to get a heavy crate of oranges upstairs.
04:14 I don't really like oranges. - They're for your mother.
04:16 she's waiting in your apartment for them.
04:18 Oh, yay! Mom's visiting?
04:20 I can't wait to show her the city.
04:21 No. She's not visiting. She's sick.
04:23 [ Gasps ] - And she needs those oranges.
04:25 Oh, geez.
04:26 Well, I'll just pay someone to bring them up.
04:28 Pay someone? No. That's no way to solve your problems.
04:31 Look, she needs those oranges.
04:33 she's dying, okay? She's got scurvy.
04:35 Without those oranges, she'll be dead by morning.
04:37 Oh, my God! Mommy, no!
04:40 [ Groans ]
04:44 Whew! Long mission. China be huge!
04:47 What up, Demi? Where Whoopi at?
04:49 [ Chuckles ] You probably don't know that movie.
04:51 How old are you? How old am I?
04:53 Hey, Reggie. So you just get back?
04:55 Yeah. Now I'm on a bigger mission.
04:57 To ask you out.
04:59 Yes! I mean, yeah, sure, whatever.
05:03 I get it. You're playing it cool.
05:04 You know that is my signature temperature.
05:06 In fact, I am so cool, I'm-a go pick up myself one of those polyester-style jackets.
05:11 What do you call them? They're kind of slippery.
05:13 They swish— Windbreaker. That's the word.
05:15 [ Clicks Tongue ] Girl, you did not help me at all there, did you?
05:22 Well, I took the day off to follow Steve yesterday.
05:25 Turns out I was right to be worried about him. - You followed Steve all day?
05:28 Yeah. I do stuff like that. Followed you last week.
05:30 I don't know what you thought was in your butt-hole in the Target parking lot...
05:33 but you were— you were really trying to find it.
05:36 Anyway, Steve avoids every obstacle. He's a total wimp.
05:38 When I was a kid, you used to get your ass kicked if you were a wimp.
05:41 Stan, stop. He's a good kid. He does well in school. He's not on drugs.
05:46 Love him for who he is.
05:48 Hi. Called in a "to go" order for a P.B. and banana on wheat.
05:52 That'll be two kisses.
05:54 Ooh, I only got a five. I'm gonna need change.
05:57 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
06:00 And three's your change. Mwah, mwah, mwah.
06:03 [ Humming ]
06:07 Seriously, what were you trying to get out of your butt?
06:10 It was just itchy.
06:12 I don't believe you.
06:14 Raise your hand if you're a happy dude
06:16 ~tiam,larry
06:18 Shake your tush if you like Chinese food
06:21 do,dey
06:25 Dad? [ Grunts ]
06:26 Out here I'm not your dad. - What are you talking about?
06:29 You're afraid of confrontation, you avoid physical challenges...
06:31 and as soon as anything gets difficult, you give up. - So?
06:34 So? You're a wimp!
06:36 And you need a bully to toughen you up.
06:38 Well, now you got one— me.
06:40 Now, give me your lunch! - Stop! Get off me!
06:43 Yeah, that's what your mom said last night!
06:51 [ Door Opens, Closes ]
06:55 Whoa. Slow down there, champ. How was your day?
06:58 Bad. It-it was bad.
07:01 Oh, no. What happened?
07:02 I— I got beat up.
07:05 sounds like you got a bully.
07:07 Yeah! It's you!
07:09 Hmm? I'm not sure what you're talking about.
07:11 I had a bully once. Stelio Kontos was his name.
07:14 He was as mean as he was Greek.
07:17 He made my life a living hell
07:20 He totally tormented me.
07:22 One time he made me keep a live bat in my underpants all day.
07:26 Gave me ass rabies.
07:28 My anus was frothing like a cappuccino.
07:30 [ Bell Dings ]
07:32 Anyway, that olive-skinned bastard made me into the man I am today.
07:36 The kind that bullies his own son?
07:38 Right. You see, Steve, the good thing about bullies is they don't just go away.
07:42 You're forced to deal with them.
07:43 How did you deal with Stelio? - Mmm, good story. He moved away.
07:47 [ Sighs ] - But your bully's not going anywhere.
07:50 So deal with him. You'll be better off for it.
07:52 [ Door Opens ]
07:55 [ Gasps ] Steve! Oh, my God! Who did this to you?
08:00 Better not say a fuckin' word, or I'll kill you.
08:04 It was not Dad.
08:05 Okay, it wasn't Dad. Good.
08:08 We're narrowing it down.
08:09 Who else can we cross off the list?
08:12 I don't think you'd do this to yourself. That's two.
08:15 I know I didn't do it.
08:17 This is coming together.
08:24 [ Screams ]
08:25 I sprained my wrist!
08:27 You don't Know that. You're not a doctor.
08:29 I'm taking this. What are you gonna do about it?
08:31 I— I-I don't know.
08:33 Stand up for yourself. Fight me.
08:36 Well, I'm gonna mount this and ride it hard—
08:38 like I did to your mom last night. - [ Wheel Squeaking ]
08:42 [I Carnival ]
08:49 Seity.
08:51 Oh, come on, man. You got to let me on.
08:54 I'm trying to create a moment with this girl.
08:56 I respect this bitch. I love this bitch.
09:00 Oh, I'm a sucker for love.
09:02 Wrap your arms around that bitch. Never let her go.
09:07 Come on, baby. Our chariot awaits.
09:12 Hayley?
09:16 Hey! I thought that was you.
09:18 You look awesome, babe. - You look great too.
09:21 I thought you were in Jerusalem...
09:22 trying to track down the inventor of the everything bagel.
09:25 I was. But I got this job offer selling glow things...
09:28 and, you know, that's like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
09:31 God, it's so good to see you.
09:33 You too.
09:35 [ Clears Throat ]
09:37 Oh. Sorry. Reginald, this is Jeff.
09:39 We-We used to date.
09:41 Oh. Well, that is so fun.
09:44 Nice to meet you. Hey, you guys wanna see where all the clowns sleep?
09:47 It's Super sad.
09:48 Yeah, sure. I-
09:50 Oh. But we were about to go on the Ferris wheel.
09:53 Oh, that's okay. You two go ahead.
09:55 I'm gonna eat a whole turkey leg, then find a clean porta-john to destroy.
09:59 You're the best.
10:00 You smell great. - Thanks. How's Yerhugeva Gina?
10:03 [ Hayley ] Oh, Yerhugeva? She's good.
10:05 She's back in Croatia for the winter...
10:07 with the rest of the Gina family.
10:09 Upstaged by a wily-ass hippie.
10:16 [ Shutter Clicking ]
10:19 [ Groans ] These shots are no good for my crime scene portfolio.
10:22 If only you were a little more mangled.
10:24 Ooh, Steve. My wedding ring fell in the garbage disposal.
10:27 Grab it for me?
10:28 [ Garbage Disposal Whirs ] - Roger!
10:30 You never do anything for me.
10:32 Is there anything better than night tennis?
10:34 Ja. A racially pure Europe.
10:37 [ All Laugh ]
10:39 Steve, look at you!
10:41 Oh, this bully thing is out of control!
10:44 Steve should stand up to his bully.
10:46 Violence is never the answer.
10:48 Steve, have you tried reasoning with this boy?
10:50 Maybe he just needs a friend.
10:55 Hey, Francine, I dropped my bracelet in the garbage disposal.
10:58 Dip your fingers in there for me?
10:59 [ Garbage Disposal Whirs ] - Roger!
11:01 Come on. That was your left hand, drama queen.
11:04 Where am I off to?
11:10 Give me your lunch money, ass-breath!
11:12 I was thinking maybe I could take you out for a cup of coffee.
11:15 You know. Talk a little?
11:18 It's just, my dad left when I was young.
11:20 It was hard on my mom. It was hard on me.
11:23 Must have been rough. - It was, Steve. It really was.
11:28 Mmm. Delish. Want a sip?
11:29 Oh, yes, please. I would love some— [ Shrieks ]
11:32 You can't reason with a bully!
11:34 [ Exclaims ] You got it in my eye!
11:36 I know, I know. That's what Mom said last night.
11:39 That's right. While I was doin' her! Ba-boom!
11:43 Principal Lewis, we're so worried about Steve.
11:46 Somebody's been bullying him. - Who's doing this to you, son?
11:52 [ Whispering ] You better not say a fuckin' word, or I'll kill you.
11:55 I won't tell! I'll never tell!
11:57 [ Sighs ] All right. Well, I guess we'll have to review the security camera.
12:04 [ Children Shouting ]
12:07 [ School Bell Rings ]
12:14 Uh, let's move right through this section at double speed.
12:17 [ tape Whirring ]
12:25 Francine, we need to go home and talk.
12:27 I'm having an affair with a homosexual giant.
12:31 stan? What are you doing—
12:34 [ Steve Gasps ]
12:35 You're Steve's bully?
12:38 Oop! Gotta go to my xylophone lesson.
12:43 Good-bye, Steve.
12:48 And hello, desk sandwich.
12:56 [ Growling, Roaring ]
12:59 [ Boy Screams ] - Oh, shit!
13:02 Stan, come back here!
13:06 [ Grunting ]
13:10 Stan, get back here!
13:13 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on! Damn it!
13:16 Open the door, you son of a bitch!
13:19 Uh, can't hear you.
13:21 [ Tires Screech ]
13:23 [ Drops Of Jupiter" ]
13:25 [ With Stereo ] ¢ Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
13:29 Did you make it to the Milky Way
13:31 to see the lights are faded?
13:34 é¢ And that heaven is—
13:40 Francine! You T-boned me, bro!
13:42 Stop bullying our son!
13:45 It's for his own good. He needs to learn to stand up for himself.
13:48 He's fine the way he is!
13:50 Look, I'm not gonna push him around forever. Just until he fights back.
13:52 You're crazy!
13:55 I heard an accident!
13:59 [ Screaming ]
14:02 [ Screaming Continues ]
14:08 Good. You're home.
14:10 Steve, I know I said violence was never the answer.
14:13 But it has just become the answer.
14:17 I'm gonna teach you how to kick your father's ass!
14:20 Good! That ass needs a pounding!
14:23 Yeah. That's what your father said last night.
14:32 I've been in a few fights in my day.
14:34 About two hundo, maybe two-fitty.
14:37 [ Cheering ] - [ Grunting ]
14:39 [ Shrieks ]
14:41 [ Grunts ]
14:43 [ Screams, Grunts ]
14:45 Ooh! Oh
14:47 Yeah! You're dead, Becky!
14:51 Oh, where did the time go?
14:53 Okay.
14:54 For the next two weeks, we're locking ourselves down here...
14:57 and I'm training you until you are an unstoppable fighting machine!
15:05 Forget it! I can't do this!
15:07 You're just— You're just terrible!
15:10 You-— You can't even make a fist!
15:12 [ Grunts ]
15:14 [ Grunts ]
15:16 Mom, where are you going?
15:17 I'm no good for you right now, Steve.
15:19 You are so frustrating.
15:23 I'm gonna go down to Sea World, punch a dolphin in the face.
15:27 [ Scraping, Screeching ]
15:32 [ Bell Dings ]
15:41 Hello there.
15:43 Hi. Hello.
15:50 [ Bell Dings ]
15:56 Thanks, Jack. See you next time.
15:58 [ Jack ] You got it, chief.
16:01 Sixty-eight!
16:04 Quarter pound yellow American cheese sliced medium thin.
16:15 How's that?
16:17 A little bit thinner. - You got it.
16:24 [ Beeping ] - A little under okay?
16:26 I prefer under to over.
16:29 Have a good one.
16:31 [ Bell Dings ]
16:36 Oh, Oh, come on
16:37 You can't have Roger dress you up just to avoid me.
16:40 Do you know how long makeup took?
16:42 I was in the chair at 4:00 am!
16:44 There's no way around this, Steve.
16:46 Sooner or later, you're gonna have to find a way...
16:48 to get those oranges up the stairs.
16:53 Let's settle this once and for all—
16:55 on the playground, tomorrow, 3:00.
16:58 Good. 'Cause I've been missing a lot of work.
17:03 Hey, hey, Cassius Clay!
17:07 Oh, hey, Reggie.
17:08 What a beautiful vase.
17:10 It's a menses pot.
17:11 Okay, that's cool.
17:13 Hey, our date the other night got a bit overpopulated.
17:16 What do you say we try that again— just us?
17:18 sorry, Reggie. It's just—
17:20 seeing Jeff brought up a lot of old feelings.
17:23 Oh. Mm-hmm.
17:24 I need some time alone to sort things out.
17:27 Ah, yeah. You take as much time as you—
17:30 No, you know what? I'm done pretending.
17:33 I love you, Hayley. I always have.
17:36 Reggie, I had no idea.
17:39 No, you didn't.
17:40 Now I'm gonna give you some time to listen to your heart. - But—
17:43 é Little girl at the pottery wheel
17:46 take your time, figure out how you feel
17:49 And when you're ready to be mine you'll
17:52 be ready for "koala-ty"
17:55 lime sy
18:08 [ School Bell Rings ]
18:11 This is So awesome. I'm gonna get some great shots.
18:14 shoot it in black and white so it looks like Raging Bull
18:17 Call it Raging Bully.
18:18 Oh, my God! I did it!
18:20 I didn't think you'd show.
18:22 Who's this, your boyfriend?
18:24 Oh, I don't like that one bit. You know damn well who I am.
18:27 He's here to photograph the crime scene.
18:29 'Cause you're about to get murdered!
18:31 Love this attitude, Steve.
18:34 You know what? I'm gonna give you the first punch.
18:36 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
18:39 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
18:41 Fight! Fight! Fight!
18:43 You know, I was thinking. And I realized something.
18:46 What, that you're a gaylord?
18:48 [ Laughing ]
18:50 [ Gasping ]
18:54 Stelio Kontos!
18:57 Stelio
18:59 Stelio Kontos
19:01 Stelio
19:04 Stelio Kontos ♪ - Oh!
19:06 I found him on Facebook, and it got me thinking.
19:09 Why do you care how I get those oranges up the stairs?
19:12 I can pay someone to bring them up for me...
19:14 just like I'm paying Stelio to kick your ass.
19:17 Stelio ♪ - [ Gasps ]
19:19 Stelio Kontos
19:21 Stelio ♪ - [ Grunts ]
19:22 Stelio Kontos ♪ - [ Groaning ]
19:24 No! You're not doing it yourself, Steve.
19:28 So it doesn't count.
19:30 Really? Sure looks like it counts to me.
19:32 [ Grunting ]
19:34 You know what, Dad? You tell me...
19:36 when you feel I've gotten those oranges up the stairs, okay?
19:40 Stelio
19:42 Stelio Kontos
19:44 -,* - No! Not the slidakopita!
19:47 Stelio Kontos, Stelio ♪ - [ Groaning ]
19:51 [ Grunts ] - ♪ Stelio Kontos
19:52 Stelio
19:55 Stelio Kontos ♪ - [ Grunting ]
19:57 [ Grunts ]
20:05 [ Shudders ]
20:09 Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God. It's over.
20:12 Stelio
20:14 Oh, no. He's coming from so far away.
20:19 He's picking up so much speed!
20:24 Kontos
20:26 [ Distorted Grunts, Echoes ]
20:30 They're up the stairs!
20:32 For the love of God, you got the oranges up the stairs!
20:36 Stelio
20:38 Stelio Kontos Stel—
20:40 ♪ [ Stops ]
20:44 [ Chattering ]
20:45 [ Growling ] - [ Screams ]
20:46 Oh, shit!
20:48 I got to hand it to you, Steve.
20:50 You overcame your bully in your own way.
20:53 It's not my way, but I respect it.
20:55 Thanks, Dad.
20:56 Give It to me. Beautiful.
20:58 You're making me nauseous, and I love it!
21:00 [ Shutter Clicks ] - This is really nice work.
21:03 You're hired. Your first assignment—
21:05 a brutal triple rape right off the freeway.
21:08 [ Gasps ] Oh, thank you, Captain "Car-hoonch."
21:11 It's Crunch.
21:13 And you're welcome.
21:47 Bye! Have a beautiful time.