S07E18 frame 8570 — ClipClopulator

Search Episodes

You're still filming?

S07E18 Flirting with Disaster

05:57 · frame 8571 of 31528

Previous frame←Next frame→

Previous lineshift + ←Next lineshift + →

Transcript

Go to the current line

00:02 There's this misconception...
00:04 that the C.I.A. is only about thwarting terrorism.
00:07 Truth is, we're just like any other office.
00:10 Come on. You can do this.
00:13 [ Grunts ]
00:15 [ People Jeering ] - [ Man ] You suck, Jackson.
00:19 [ Gun Cocks ] - It says, "No touchy."
00:22 Yep, just your average, everyday office.
00:25 No espionage around here.
00:27 Especially with this little trick.
00:29 [ Chuckles ] - No! Not my privacy strips!
00:32 [ Gasps ] Please come back!
00:34 [ Piano, imitating The Office ]
00:42 [ No Audible Dialogue ]
01:02 [Ends ]
01:08 Kind of fun when your car is in the shop and I get to drive you to work.
01:12 Makes me feel like we're partner cops.
01:14 [ Imitates Static ] "Let's roll.
01:15 There's a 102 over on Eight with a couple of perps."
01:18 [ Giggles ]
01:20 Hey, why don't I come by and pick you up for lunch?
01:22 Oh, babe, you know I'd love to spend...
01:24 every minute of every day with you...
01:26 but I am too swamped to go off-campus today.
01:29 He really means it.
01:30 He'd spend every minute of every day with me, if he could.
01:34 Security gate. - Oh, God!
01:37 [ Brakes Screech ]
01:38 This is good. Kiss. - Kiss.
01:43 Whew! We almost had two cars in the shop.
01:48 Morning, Stan. - Good morning, Lorraine.
01:50 Uh, uh, uh. Hang on.
01:52 I gotta go over you with a metal detector.
01:55 [ Imitating Beeping ]
01:58 [ Beeping Speeds Up ]
02:00 Uh-oh! Someone's got buns of steel!
02:03 [ Sniffs ] You smell that? Something's on fire.
02:06 Oh, it's you.
02:08 You're smokin'! [ Imitates Fire Extinguisher ]
02:10 Ooh [ Chuckles ]
02:11 Yeah, I flirt at work. We all do.
02:13 It's-It's nice to feel desirable, you know?
02:16 It's harmless fun, like eating grapes at the supermarket...
02:19 or taking your penis out on the subway.
02:23 Yeah! Shake it, Thunder Butt!
02:25 I actually have a nickname around here.
02:27 The ladies gave it to me because of my legendary derriere.
02:30 Oh, you want to see the thunderclap?
02:32 [ Clapping ] - [ Laughs ] I Whoo!
02:34 [ Man ] Yeah, there he goes.
02:36 [ Woman ] Aw, shake it! - [ Man ] Faster.
02:39 Check it. Hard, right?
02:41 [ Claps ] - Like two rocks kissing over the mouth of a coyote den.
02:45 [ Claps Twice ]
02:47 Hey, ginger scoops.
02:48 I was looking at nudie mags in that field...
02:50 and I need you to check me for ticks.
02:53 Oh, goodness.
02:55 This is truly the most beautiful birdhouse I've ever seen.
02:58 Did you buy it from God?
03:00 No. I made it myself.
03:02 [ Gasps ] Steven, you have a gift.
03:05 With my business savvy and your natural ability, we could make a fortune!
03:08 Oh, I just do it for fun.
03:10 And to help a bird or two get out of the cold.
03:12 What if you could help thousands of birds?
03:15 Gosh, I-i'd say yes!
03:17 Put her there, partner. I'll go drum up some business.
03:20 But first, I really need you to check me for ticks.
03:23 [ Sucking ]
03:24 Anything? They're tough to see.
03:29 And I said I don't like tomatoes.
03:31 And he said he could make it without the tomatoes.
03:34 sounds delish. This is good.
03:38 Kiss. - Kiss.
03:40 Oh, I didn't Know the forecast was calling for thunder.
03:46 Whoo! [ Chuckles ]
03:48 Thunder? What's she talking about?
03:50 Oh, she's big into hang gliding.
03:52 she probably won't go up today. Not with that much chop.
03:56 Whew!
04:01 [ Giggles ] - [ Bullock ] Attention, everyone.
04:03 some of you have been asking where my assistant, Monroe, has gone.
04:07 [ Shouts ] What happened to him? - Simmer, Sanders.
04:10 Monroe has decided to breed mastiffs up in Canada.
04:13 Apparently, you can get $1,200 per puppy, so that's pretty good.
04:18 Anyway, I decided to promote Lorraine to be my new assistant.
04:22 [ Woman ] There you go, Lorraine!
04:24 Now, we'll need a new receptionist, so I'm going through résumés.
04:28 But I'll be honest, the only ones we've gotten...
04:30 are from Chinese spies trying to infiltrate us.
04:33 silly Chinese, even with their ninja magic, they could never pass for one of us.
04:39 [ Giggling, Chinese Accent ] They've mastered art of the noodle, but not art of disguise.
04:43 [ Laughs ] Good one, Butch.
04:45 But, seriously, anyone know anything about any launch codes?
04:50 My name is Butch Johnson from 5 Green Lane, Plymouth, Indiana...
04:55 Zip 46563-3781.
04:58 I like shooting hoops and Miss Kelly Ripa.
05:01 But, seriously, anyone seen anything to do with launch codes?
05:08 Bam! Two orders, prepaid!
05:10 Oh, boy!
05:11 Wait. Two houses?
05:13 I don't know if I can produce at that volume. - Steve, relax.
05:17 You just concentrate on being the creative force God made you, and leave the rest to me.
05:21 To our new business!
05:23 To our new— [ Screams ]
05:25 These are a lot stronger than when I was a kid.
05:30 Jocelyn. Joss. Jossy.
05:33 I wish that I was Jossy's girl. - [ Giggles ]
05:36 [ Elevator Dings ] - [ Francine ] I Stan?
05:39 Ooh! Francine! - [ Shatters ]
05:42 What are you doing here? - [ Giggles ] I work here!
05:46 I'm the new receptionist! I'll be right back.
05:48 I gotta go fill out my paperwork with H.R.
05:51 [ Shouts ] Isn't this great?
05:56 You're still filming?
05:58 Don't you have enough footage yet? What is this even for?
06:00 [ Chinese Accent ] Uh, we are Dutch documentary crew.
06:04 Yes, the Dutch! I believe them.
06:06 Checks out to me! [ Chuckles ]
06:09 But, seriously, anyone know anything about any launch codes?
06:19 Isn't this great, us working together?
06:22 I know! Yay! How did this happen?
06:25 It was at one of your office Christmas parties years ago.
06:28 With Steve now in school...
06:30 I've got the itch to start working again.
06:32 [ Bullock ] Your chest is crazy.
06:34 Definitely send me your résumé.
06:37 I didn't get the job at the time.
06:39 But when I was dropping you off the other morning, I ran into Bullock.
06:47 [ Screams ] My leg! You bitch!
06:49 I'm gonna sue the living—
06:51 Crazy chest! How are you?
06:55 Well, that is just fantastic.
06:57 Mind if I borrow your desk rock?
07:00 [ Grunts ] - Are you nuts?
07:02 You hired my wife? - So? I also banged your daughter.
07:06 And remember your 4th of July barbecue?
07:08 I muff-punched your Gram-Gram. she was just too senile to know it.
07:12 Work is where I come to socialize.
07:15 Having Francine here will ruin that!
07:17 How would you like it if your wife worked here? - Oh, I'd love it.
07:20 Is there an opening for a woman...
07:21 who bangs every black man she meets in a Red Lobster parking lot?
07:30 [ Honks Twice ] Three more orders!
07:33 [ Grunting ]
07:46 You bought a scooter?
07:47 Shouldn't we be putting our profits back into the company?
07:50 The birdhouse game is all about appearance, Steve.
07:52 Do you think I would have made all those sales if I had shown up on my hippity hop?
07:57 All right.
07:59 Well, can you at least go get me some more supplies?
08:01 I'm on it. [ Grunting ]
08:06 [ Engine Starts ]
08:09 Whoo-hoe-hoe-hoe!
08:14 Stan, hi
08:16 Oh, hi, Francine.
08:17 How's your day goin'?
08:20 Thunder!
08:21 Uh, I really gotta go. I-I have to mail something.
08:24 Yeah! Show the new girl the thunderclap.
08:29 Clap, clap, clap, clap.
08:33 Well. That was something.
08:35 Francine, I can explain.
08:37 Stan, don't worry about it.
08:39 Just a little harmless flirting.
08:41 Right. That's all it is.
08:42 You don't have to change your behavior now that I'm here.
08:46 Are-Are you sure? - Absolutely. Flirt away.
08:51 Hey, Jocelyn, good news!
08:52 I can still throw goldfish crackers into your cleavage!
08:55 [ Drumming ]
09:01 [ Laughing, Cheering ]
09:05 [ Laughing ]
09:09 Feel the bullet stuck in there?
09:11 Oh, I can't tell if it's that or an ab muscle.
09:13 Everything's so hard.
09:15 [ Chuckles ] Is this— Is this how we're fighting Al-Qaeda now?
09:19 By-By horsing around?
09:22 How come you didn't tell me everyone is so nice here?
09:28 I've got your wedding ring! Technically, you're not married.
09:31 Hey! You give that back! [ Chuckles ]
09:40 [ Giggles ] - Yeah!
09:42 I'm the Mayor of Jam City!
09:46 [ Timer Dings ]
09:54 Hi, honey. How was your day?
09:56 [ Kiss ] - Thompson's riding my ass again.
09:58 He still wants you to get that proposal done by Monday?
10:01 I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to work all weekend.
10:04 Oh, poor baby.
10:05 Tell you what. I'll sit on the kids tonight.
10:08 You take a hot bath and—
10:10 [ Rumbling, Cracking ]
10:15 Tatianna!
10:16 Leave me! Save the kids!
10:25 [ Chirps ]
10:27 [ Father Screaming ]
10:32 Ah, what a piece of crap. - [ Beeping, Rings ]
10:39 Oh, no! [ Sobbing ] H-How could this happen?
10:46 This isn't a McGinty screw.
10:48 I-it's just a cheap knock-off. How on earth—
10:51 [ Gasps ] Roger.
10:54 That bastard!
10:56 [ Gasps ] Oh, Greg, look!
10:57 The Aquabot made it to the shallow end!
11:03 [ Francine Laughing ] Come on, stop it!
11:06 Ow! Wheel me back to my desk.
11:09 spinny chair!
11:12 Who wants my hot black box...
11:14 of coffee?
11:16 [ Laughs ]
11:18 What's the matter with you guys? You forget about Lorraine already?
11:22 I'm wearing my Pocahontas boots.
11:26 Oh, damn. Oh, damn, my ankle! Damn it!
11:29 These Indian boots are sexy as hell, but they do not support my frame!
11:33 [ Laughs ] Whoa!
11:42 [ Slurps ] spinny chair?
11:44 I invented spinny chair.
11:46 Don't talk to me— [ Chewing ] about spinny chair.
11:49 I hear ya.
11:51 I'm old news. Everyone's just interested in that wife of yours.
11:55 Well, I'm not happy about it either.
11:57 When I flirt, it's cute. Borderline Smurfy.
11:59 When she flirts, it's not cute.
12:01 sounds to me like that milky Jezebel's giving us both trouble!
12:05 If we want things to get back to normal...
12:07 we gotta come up with a way to get Francine out of there.
12:09 Yeah. Uh-huh. I hear you.
12:13 Oh, hey, how's your ankle? - Not good.
12:15 Doctor says I gotta lose 55 pounds.
12:18 I said, "Well, I'm losing you.
12:20 That's 200 pounds right there."
12:22 [ Muffled Speech, Indistinct ]
12:35 Where...
12:36 the hell...
12:38 is my sandwich?
12:46 [ Gasps, Inhales ]
12:50 Where is Francine Smith?
12:52 Oh. Uh, her and a few people went down to the quad.
12:56 [ Beeping ]
12:58 Hey, Lorraine, you gotta get to the quad.
13:00 I thought of a way to take care of our Francine problem.
13:03 Oh, I was just about to call you.
13:05 I'm already down here. I came up with a plan myself
13:09 [ No Audible Dialogue ]
13:10 [ Giggles ] - [ Chuckling ]
13:13 Mmm! - [ Screams ]
13:14 That's acid in your face, you fine-ass bitch!
13:21 [ Police Radio Chatter ]
13:25 What kind of monster are you?
13:27 You said get rid of her. - I meant get her fired!
13:30 I stayed up all night plotting an intricate scheme with Bullock's sandwich.
13:33 Yeah, well, while you were playing sandwiches, I was coming up with a real plan!
13:37 You melted my wife's face!
13:39 Please.
13:43 How bad is it, Doc? - Here, lookee.
13:46 [ Monitor Beeping ]
13:48 [ Gasps ] - Oh, God! Oh, no!
13:50 Oh, God!
13:52 How could you show me that? - I know.
13:54 Normally, we'd give her a skin graft...
13:56 but we're currently in a nationwide skin shortage.
13:58 We'll put her on the wait list, but it could take years.
14:01 Unless...
14:04 she dies.
14:08 Why did Lorraine do this? - I don't know.
14:11 I was just talking to her about getting you fired. I didn't mean for her to—
14:15 Wait. You were in on this?
14:17 I can't believe my ears.
14:20 You mean the holes where your ears used to be. And I'm sorry.
14:23 Get out of here, Stan. I can't stand to be around you.
14:27 Okay. Well...
14:29 I'm gonna go downstairs and grab a hamburger.
14:32 Just like the white-winged dove sings a song
14:35 sounds like she's singing Ooh, ooh you!
14:39 - Steve!
14:41 You bought cheap screws, Roger!
14:43 You cut corners to pay for your-your whores...
14:46 and your drugs and your stupid Klaus tattoo!
14:50 Klaus likes It!
14:54 You know what? You're nothing but a drug addict!
14:57 Birds died because of you!
14:59 Oh, my God. Who cares?
15:02 Our partnership is over! I never want to see you again!
15:07 Then don't look in the night sky, because I'm a star.
15:10 And that's not the cocaine talking!
15:13 So, girls, tell me more about your childhood.
15:15 Now, that's the cocaine talking!
15:17 [ Grunting ]
15:19 How's she doing? - The good news is eight people waiting for skin have died...
15:24 so we're moving up the list.
15:26 But Francine's furious with me.
15:27 Do you want me to read to your wife?
15:30 I could read her some launch codes.
15:32 But I would need those launch codes.
15:36 [ Francine ] Good morning. - Oh, my God! So gross!
15:38 What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home, in case the skin people call?
15:42 You'd like that, wouldn't you?
15:44 Me, sitting at home, while you're here, having fun.
15:47 Forget it, buster.
15:49 I still have a job to do, and I'm not gonna let you take that away.
15:55 [ Bullock ] Is that Francine's voice I hear?
15:57 Look who made a speedy recovery—
16:03 Hey, Jackson.
16:05 I have a face muffin in the toaster!
16:07 Oh, hi, Ann. I need to talk to you about ordering some—
16:09 Not in the budget! [ Retches ]
16:15 Hey, Dick, do me a favor. - Yeah, buddy, anything.
16:18 Can you go chat with my wife? Flirt with her a little?
16:20 Your wife? No. [ Chuckles ]
16:22 I saw Newsies on Broadway, man. I paid my dues.
16:26 Are you sure there's no way?
16:31 Francine. Hey, foxy. [ Chuckles ]
16:33 Oh, hey, Dick.
16:35 You want to talk to me?
16:38 Yeah, yeah, of course. settling back in okay?
16:42 [ Whispering ] Keep going.
16:43 Whatcha working on? - Oh, I'm just—
16:46 Oh, sorry.
16:47 Been shedding scabs all day.
16:49 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's cool.
16:51 I can't do it!
16:53 [ Gunshot ] - [ Screams ]
16:55 Easy choice.
16:57 Hi, baby! - You were threatening him so he'd talk to me?
17:01 [ Crying ]
17:05 [ Dick ] Stan. I can't...
17:07 believe how dirty it is under my desk.
17:14 Hey, Roger. Wow.
17:18 I almost didn't recognize you. - It's been a long time.
17:22 I see you're still doing the birdhouse thing. - It passes the time.
17:26 It was always in your blood. - Yeah.
17:29 So, how have you been? - Good. Real good, real good.
17:33 Cleaned up my act. Got sober.
17:35 Living with a gal over on Canal Street.
17:38 Taking a couple of classes over at the "Y."
17:40 Getting this tattoo lasered off. [ Chuckles ]
17:42 The-The treatments hurt more than putting the darn thing on.
17:45 [ Chuckles ] I'm sure, I'm sure.
17:49 Listen, Steve, I'm sorry about what happened.
17:52 What I put you through.
17:53 Water under the bridge. I mean, honestly.
17:56 Well— [ Sighs ] Better get going.
17:58 Maybe we can grab a cup of coffee sometime? - I'd like that.
18:03 Hey, Roger. - Yeah?
18:05 I'm rooting for you.
18:07 I know, Steve. You always were.
18:11 [ Steve Narrating ] Our birdhouse business had' been hard on me...
18:13 but it had taken a real toll on Roger.
18:16 i knew it wasnt true— the classes, the girlfriend, the sobriety
18:20 it was all a lie.
18:22 That's why I wasnt surprised to read in the paper...
18:24 that he had' O.d.'d not 10 seconds later.
18:26 [ Gagging ]
18:29 [ Horns Honking In Distance ]
18:31 [ Speaking Chinese ]
18:35 [ Knocking ] Hey, Butch. It's Stan.
18:38 [ Gasps ] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no
18:40 Fork. Fork, fork, fork, fork.
18:42 Get rid of the chopsticks and use the fork!
18:45 Hey, Stan. What up, player?
18:48 I'm just hanging out with the Dutch.
18:50 Hey, sorry to bother you at home.
18:52 It's just, I-I got those launch codes you've been asking about.
18:54 Oh, my God.
18:56 But, first, I just need you to take my wife to lunch tomorrow.
18:59 You know, flirt with her. Make her feel good.
19:04 [ Shouts ] I give up! I am Chinese spy!
19:07 Don't make me have meal with your wife!
19:09 Her face is too much!
19:12 [ Groans ] - Oh, just have a seat anywhere.
19:15 I don't Know what to do.
19:16 No one at work will flirt with my wife.
19:18 Why do you need someone to flirt with your wife?
19:21 What do you mean? To make her feel good about herself.
19:23 But you're her husband. Why you no do that? - Well, because—
19:27 I don't know. I guess I didn't think it would mean as much coming from me.
19:31 That's so stupid, you silly goose.
19:34 Everything mean more from spouse.
19:37 You're right. You're right. Thank you.
19:41 So... I'm not in trouble for being a spy?
19:45 Oh, no, you are. - [ Screams ]
19:49 Can you believe that guy?
19:51 You Dutch are all right though. Now I have a question.
19:54 Do all your ovens smell like farts?
19:56 Wh-Where does that— Where does that saying come from?
19:58 [ Francine Sobbing ]
20:08 Hey, beautiful.
20:09 Stan? What are you doing? - Flirtin' witcha.
20:13 Stan, it doesn't count. I'm your wife.
20:16 No, it counts more than anything.
20:18 Instead of wasting my time flirting with people at work...
20:21 I should've been flirting with you.
20:23 You mean flirt... with each other?
20:25 Go ahead. Try it, soft shoulders.
20:28 Okay. Um-—
20:30 What do you want for dinner?
20:33 No, that's not good. Um—
20:35 Did you remember to pay the gas bill?
20:39 God, it's so hard with you.
20:41 Um-— Oh, I got it.
20:43 We have that thing at Steve's school on Wednesday night—
20:47 That maybe we should blow off and—
20:50 Do something more fun?
20:53 Like get drunk on margaritas?
20:55 And spit on each other's bodies!
20:57 Okay, well, it's a start. We'll get the hang of it.
20:59 I love you, Thunder Butt.
21:02 That's it!
21:03 What's it, my love?
21:07 There you go. Good as new.
21:10 Hey, Crater Butt. - Hey, Ass Face.
21:47 Bye! Have a beautiful time.