ClipClopulator
Search
Episodes
Random
Hey, Dad, will you sign my petition?
S05E12 Roy Rogers McFreely
00:55 – 00:57
Make a meme
Copy link
Nearby frames
00:54.7
00:55.0
00:55.2
00:55.5
00:55.7
00:56.0
00:56.2
00:56.5
00:56.7
00:57.0
00:57.2
00:57.5
00:57.7
Previous line
The only thing that even comes close is Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video.
Next line
I'm trying to get the city to give us those blue recycling bins for our neighborhood.
Report a problem
Transcript
Go to the current line
00:05
Good morning, U.S.A.
00:07
I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:11
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
00:14
And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:20
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
00:24
Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [ Grunts ]
00:29
[Chorus ] ~ Good morning, USA.
00:32
[ Together ] Three, two, one, and—
00:37
[ Both Sigh]
00:39
Grand. - That it is, boy.
00:41
Nothing more satisfying than witnessing the uniformity of a neighborhood in sync.
00:45
The only thing that even comes close is Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video.
00:55
Hey, Dad, will you sign my petition?
00:57
I'm trying to get the city to give us those blue recycling bins for our neighborhood.
01:00
Absolutely not. I'm zombie dancing with my son.
01:02
I get it. You're against recycling because I'm for it, right?
01:05
Right. But in a way, wrong. Because everything you say is wrong.
01:09
Hear that, Steve? That's the sound of the man talking.
01:16
[ Grunts ] What the hell?
01:18
Neighborhood watch, missy. Mailbox stickers are against the bylaws.
01:21
Great takedown, Greg. - [ Sprinkler Spurting ]
01:23
Shh! Hear that? [ Gasps ]
01:29
An above-ground sprinkler on the front lawn? No, sir!
01:33
What's next? Prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns?
01:37
Well, not in my neighborhood! When's the next homeowner's association meeting?
01:41
A Week from Monday. - Then I will see you in 10 days!
01:43
Stay at this emotional level until then! I Know I will!
01:50
This new toothpaste tastes exactly like I thought it would!
01:55
It may not seem like much of a threat...
01:57
but an above-ground sprinkler is a snake in the grass!
02:00
[ Rattling Sound ] - [All Gasp ]
02:02
And what about the children? - [ Cartoonish ]
02:05
Sure, it looks like an innocent game of dolly catch.
02:08
But wait! Bad throw! - [All Gasp ]
02:14
[ Gasps ] - I was having no idea of danger!
02:17
I move to prohibit above-ground sprinklers.
02:19
I second that. - All In favor say "aye."
02:21
[All] Aye. - [All Cheering ]
02:23
See, Son? The system works. - You were awesome, Dad!
02:27
Stop killing Mother Earth! Recycle or die!
02:31
We can't entertain motions not on the agenda.
02:34
You can leave your jacket off but please sit down.
02:37
Say, Stan, have you considered coming back to the board? We still don't have a chairman.
02:42
No can do. Term limits, you know. And I served my eight terms.
02:46
Maybe I could be chair— - No! Oh, wait. Sweetie, I'm sorry.
02:48
I cut you off. Please finish your thought. - Maybe I could be chairman.
02:51
[ High Voice ] No!
02:56
Why doesn't Stan think I have what it takes to be chairman of the homeowner's association?
03:00
All it takes is two hours on Monday night.
03:03
I don't do anything Monday nights.
03:05
Well, you clean my bowl on Monday nights. - Humans are talking!
03:09
[ Bowl Crashing ] - Dad just doesn't get it.
03:11
He doesn't even want to learn about recycling. - He's a fudge maker.
03:13
No ifs, ands or buts about it. Where's the cola?
03:16
In the pantry. - Oh, no! What?
03:21
It's room temp! - So put it in the fridge.
03:25
Look, Stan will be home from the store any second...
03:28
and I put grenadine on the list.
03:31
Grenadine turns cold cola into a Roy Rogers.
03:34
You know what grenadine turns warm cola into?
03:37
You tell me when I throw it in your face.
03:39
[ Karate Yell ]
03:41
Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway...
03:44
and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.
03:48
Uh, Stan, is there another bag in the car? - No.
03:51
But there's no grenadine in here. - You don't need grenadine.
03:54
Yes, I do. It goes in cola to make a Roy Rogers!
03:57
I had a Roy Rogers once. Hated it. Won't have it in my house.
04:00
That and Cilantro. Not the herb, the Mexican singer.
04:03
He's gonna be huge, and I want nothing to do with him.
04:05
But that's not fair! - No grenadine!
04:07
[ Klaus ] I'm dying. - No whining!
04:13
[ Clicking, Mechanical Whirring ]
04:18
What the hell?
04:20
Whoa! Hey! What are you doing? This is my car!
04:23
Sorry, brother. It was parked in front of the fire hydrant, yeah?
04:26
But we don't have a fire hydrant. - You do now.
04:29
Morning, Stan. Here to inaugurate the new hydrant?
04:32
Well, better christen it with my fire hose.
04:34
Principal Lewis! - Are you excited or terrified?
04:37
I have to decide whether I'm joking or not.
04:39
What's this hydrant doing here?
04:41
It was pushed through by the new chairman of the homeowner's association.
04:44
Roy Rogers McFreely. - Who?
04:49
Roy Rogers McFreely is the name.
04:52
Chairing the homeowner's association's my game.
04:55
Yes, I Know what you're thinking, but the jacket is vintage.
04:57
You won't be able to find one anywhere. - You can't put a hydrant here!
05:00
Oh, no? Is this inside your house?
05:03
Maybe you're in charge there where they don't serve grenadine!
05:06
But out here, I'm the law! You're in McFreely Town!
05:10
Royville! Rogersburg!
05:13
[ Sneezes ] Excuse me. Anyway, this is my town!
05:15
Charles, we're moving out!
05:22
I apologize for the lack of drama in this exit.
05:40
See something you like? Nice, isn't it?
05:43
A gift from the fire chief himself because of the hydrant.
05:47
You know how hard it is to get a real fireman's helmet? I should know.
05:50
I tried to order one online so I could go in and loot burning houses.
05:54
Now I can! Can't wait to head downtown if the Wizards win the championship.
05:59
You feel that pressure on the back of your neck, Dad?
06:01
That's the thumb of the man pressing down on you! -i'm still the man!
06:05
I'm gonna have that hydrant removed next Monday at the homeowner's association meeting.
06:10
Hey! - Yes, the man gets the biggest piece.
06:12
And you? You'll have this little piece.
06:15
And while you're serving me, how about a little dollop of horseradish on the side?
06:18
This is my horseradish! All of it.
06:24
[ Grunting ]
06:33
[ Loud Grunt ]
06:36
[ Whimpers ]
06:38
[ Sobbing ]
06:43
Well, you win this round. I'm gonna go to my room and listen to Cilantro albums.
06:48
[ Singing In Spanish ]
06:51
Dad, what happened to the system? Is-Is it broken?
06:54
No, Son. They system's stronger than an alien in a wig.
06:58
At next Monday's board meeting, that hydrant's going bye-bye. Excuse me a second.
07:02
[ Vomiting ] Oh, God, it hurts more coming up! [ Vomiting ]
07:10
[ Clanking, Mechanical Whirring ]
07:20
You woke me up in the middle of a dream! I was in the "Sledgehammer" video...
07:24
and I was made of clay, and I was so flexible, and I loved it!
07:27
Oh, that's a good video, yeah?
07:29
But the homeowner's association ordered earlier trash pickup at this house only.
07:33
[Roger] Tell him seven days a week.
07:35
Seven days a week! - Roger?
07:36
Tell him no. - No!
07:38
-I can hear you, Roger. - Drive! Let's go!
07:41
[ Beeping ]
07:43
I can see you! I can see your whole upper body! - Good morning!
07:47
Get me out of here. He's putting it together.
07:52
What's the matter, Dad? The man got his boot up your ass? - Don't worry. I'm fine.
07:56
The system's gonna pull that boot right out of my ass and sew my anus up nice and tight.
08:01
Might even get it bleached. Birthday's comin' up.
08:06
Hah! Hah! Gotta think! Gotta clear my head! Hah!
08:09
Stan, I told you. I have a fever.
08:12
That's why I went to bed right after dinner.
08:17
What to do? What to do? What to do?
08:19
Please, I really am not well.
08:22
Ho, ho, yes! I'll just put that trash thing in the proposal at Monday's meeting!
08:27
What the—
08:33
A motion-sensor light? The association doesn't allow motion-sensor lights!
08:41
It does now. - Listen, Roger!
08:44
It's Rogers. Roy Rogers McFreely.
08:47
And I hate to waste a good spotlight. [ Clears Throat ]
08:50
[ Imitating Jodie Foster ] You see a lot, Dr. Lecter.
08:52
But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself?
08:56
How 'bout it? Look at yourself and write down the truth.
09:00
Or maybe you're afraid to.
09:04
Well, that was good.
09:09
And so I move that all bylaws which have been recklessly amended by Chairman McFreely...
09:15
be reinstated to their original glory.
09:18
I also propose that a warning label be placed on all horseradish...
09:21
that clearly states that if you ingest an entire bottle, you will blow out your sphincter.
09:26
Also, if anyone knows anyone who recently died with an intact size-three sphincter...
09:30
please contact me as I am currently very low on the waiting list for a donor.
09:36
[ PA. Feedback Squeals ] - Let's put 'er to a vote.
09:38
Anyone in favor? - [All] No.
09:40
[ Gasps ] - And I vote no. Motion denied unanimously.
09:44
In your face with a can of mace! Make you cry all over the place!
09:47
Moving along. Father Donovan, you want to paint your house a previously unapproved color.
09:52
Linda, you want a hedge-height exemption. And, Sergei, you'd like bus maps to be in Russian.
09:56
I would prefer all maps be in Russian.
09:58
Except treasure maps. Sergei don't need to go on another treasure hunt.
10:03
[ Chuckling ] No, sir!
10:05
Turning to these motions, which we secretly agreed to approve last night at Linda's house.
10:09
Again, sorry I ate all the ambrosia salad. I did not realize it was for everyone.
10:13
All In favor? - [All] Aye!
10:15
What— What's going on? - Dirty politics.
10:18
That's how your beloved system really works. - What are you talking about?
10:21
I think this symbol says it best. - Ghostbusters II?
10:24
What? [ Groans ] I gotta stop smoking salvia before I go to the body-painting place.
10:29
I ain't fraid of no ghosts.
10:42
Oh, God! Nonnative ornamental grasses! Steve, don't look!
10:50
[ Steve Groaning ]
10:52
Did you crash when you saw the nonnative ornamental grass? - I did the same thing.
10:56
He did. The exact same thing.
11:00
McFreely's corrupted the association with backroom deals.
11:04
Well, there's no way we're gonna enforce his obscene regulations.
11:07
You're right about that.
11:10
Because as of now, the neighborhood watch is disbanded.
11:16
[ Air Blowing ]
11:18
[ Sputtering ]
11:20
[ Imitates Motor ]
11:22
And the pink berets? What of them?
11:25
ill wear them on my feet when I pretend to be a lady surgeon.
11:29
Tell me if i'm squeezing your ribs too hard with my thighs.
11:32
You're not. - How bout now?
11:38
[ Kazoo: Taps ]
11:41
Who died? - The system. Happy, Hayley?
11:45
The system is dead. - Dad, the system's not dead.
11:49
It's just that for the first time in your life, you're on the outside looking in.
11:52
The death you're feeling is the loss of your innocence.
11:55
Thanks, Hayley. Another simple point said long.
11:58
Look, Dad. Roger's in charge, and your wishes are counter to his.
12:02
That means you're part of the counterculture. And do you know what that means, Dad?
12:06
You and I are finally on the same side.
12:08
You're right! So what do we do?
12:11
We stick it to the man. - Stick it to the man?
12:14
Say it like you mean it! - We're gonna stick it to the man.
12:17
Louder! - We're gonna stick it to the man!
12:19
What are we gonna do? - We're gonna stick it to the man!
12:22
Ten percent more! - We're gonna fuck up some shit!
12:25
Ninety percent less. - We'll stick it to the man.
12:32
Power to the people! - Eh, Dad, that's still a little Hitler-y.
12:38
Dad, I found out how you can reintroduce your proposal at the next association meeting!
12:42
Look! - What is all this?
12:44
Forms! If we fill them out properly and submit them in a timely fashion...
12:47
you can reintroduce your proposal within seven business days!
12:50
Does my headband look like the kind of thing a person who fills out forms would wear?
12:55
Is-- Is that Mom's scarf?
12:57
You're asking all the wrong questions, Steve!
12:59
Now that Roger's the man, it's time for revolution!
13:02
But Roger's too powerful for just the two of us to take down. We're gonna need help.
13:05
When do I start? i'll wear one of Mom's scarves too.
13:08
There's a butterfly one that's just gorgeous.
13:12
Ohh, I know the one he's thinking of. It is gorgeous.
13:17
Thank you all for coming. We find ourselves in troubling times.
13:22
Not compared to the rest of the world obviously. But here in the—
13:26
bosom of our upper-middle-class... bosom—
13:32
Uh, the— The, uh— The bosom?
13:36
I'll take it from here, Dad. -I kept saying bosom. I don't know why.
13:39
I've never used that word before in my life. - It's okay, Dad. It's okay.
13:43
Chairman McFreely may have disbanded the neighborhood watch.
13:46
He may have taken your pink berets.
13:48
But he can't take your spirit! Now is the time to fight!
13:51
[ Man] What's happening? - We're being rallied by a young strumpet!
13:54
Who's on the speakerphone? - That's Phil.
13:56
Hey. - He's agoraphobic, so he can't go outside.
13:59
But he watches the corner of Wilton and Delancy for us.
14:02
That is just the kind of dedication we're looking for.
14:04
Together, we can render McFreely powerless, forcing him to resign in shame.
14:09
And this is how we're gonna do it— with some unscheduled maintenance.
14:13
[ Gasps ] Vandalism? - Constructive vandalism.
14:16
We're gonna put our neighborhood back the way it was.
14:19
[All Cheering ] - Listen to them cheering!
14:23
I think they forgot about the bosom thing! - They did.
14:25
Don't bring it up again. - I won't!
14:27
Bosom.
14:31
[ Tires Screech ]
14:46
-[ Phil ] What's that pounding? - We're using you as a hammer.
14:49
I'm part of the team!
14:55
This is taking too long.
14:57
On the next house, maybe we skip the primer and just do a coat of paint.
15:01
Hey, I take pride in what I do.
15:04
I'm a little ashamed of you right now.
15:22
Slowly. Slowly.
15:25
Don't trigger that light. - I know how to pull a rope!
15:28
I won three Battle of the Network Stars. I used to be Gabe Kaplan.
15:39
[ Phil ] You know what would be funny? Put the flag up.
15:42
The mailman will think they've got outgoing mail.
15:44
That's a great idea, speakerphone.
15:56
[ Yawns ]
16:01
[ Gasps ] - [ Bike Bell Rings ]
16:05
Constructive vandalism? Charles, how does my morning look?
16:08
You have cereal and cartoons till 10:00. - No can do!
16:12
Summon the gardeners immediately. Time to get some payback.
16:15
To the bathroom, princess style!
16:20
The roses! McFreely and his thugs killed our roses!
16:24
Every petal shall be avenged. We're gonna fight back with everything we've got!
16:28
She's right. And besides, I have nothing left to live for!
16:32
We have a child. - Can't I be dramatic for five seconds?
16:56
[ Squawking ]
17:08
They send one of ours to the hospital, we send one of theirs to the morgue!
17:13
Damn it, McFreely! How could you do this?
17:16
McFreely didn't kill him, Dad. He died of old age.
17:19
Well, if McFreely isn't responsible for this, what's his next move?
17:22
-[ Phil] I think I know. - Yes, speakerphone?
17:24
[ Roger ] Hello, morons. - It's McFreely!
17:27
I think it's time for speakerphone to get a little fresh air.
17:30
[ Phil ] Guys, they're taking me out on the veranda!
17:34
Oh, God! I can smell the grass!
17:38
Hang on, speakerphone! -[ Clicks, Dial Tone ]
17:40
We already lost old guy! We're not losing speakerphone!
17:43
Dad, they have names. - There's no time for names!
17:46
Come on! Jugs, nerd, gays— to the van!
17:55
Phil, we're here! - Take me back in the house. Please!
18:02
Hey, Terry, hang back for a second. I gotta ask you something.
18:04
Did you picture speakerphone as— - No, no. Not at all.
18:08
Me neither. I was super surprised.
18:10
[ Speaking Spanish ]
18:12
[All Laugh ] - [Stan ] McFreely!
18:15
[Crashing ]
18:19
Let me in, you sons of bitches! I'll kill all your families!
18:24
Good news. I have trapped the Mexicans in the house.
18:34
[Acoustic Guitar ]
18:38
[ Man Singing in Spanish ]
18:51
[Man] Wha— Hey! -[ Woman Screams ]
18:54
Continues ] - [ Both Screaming ]
19:14
[ Grunting ]
19:18
See you later, boys.
19:25
Sweet move.
19:32
[ Grunting ]
19:35
You should have bought the grenadine! It was on the list!
19:38
It was... unnecessary. - You think everything I want is unnecessary!
19:42
You wouldn't let me adopt a rabbit! You never let me watch The Hills!
19:45
You wouldn't let me get that Gael García Bernal poster!
19:48
His eyes are green and he's Latin. I need it!
19:51
So, Mr. Tyrant, prepare to drink a Roy Rogers!
19:55
No! I hate those! Get off me, you fat hag!
19:59
[ Gagging ] This cola's warm!
20:02
It's been in my pants for three weeks serving as my meaty parts. Sad to see it go really.
20:07
[ Screams ]
20:09
Good job, Hayley! - Stop! I got a sheet of acid in my pocket!
20:15
Not until you resign from the association!
20:18
Not until I get a say at home! I want to be heard!
20:21
Dad, you know how you felt when you had no say in the neighborhood?
20:24
That's how Roger feels at home all the time.
20:29
If I give you a Say, you promise you'll resign?
20:32
Yes, yes, I promise!
20:37
Well, Stan, I guess it makes no difference now.
20:41
It was me, Roger, the whole time.
20:52
[ Acoustic Guitar ]
20:54
[ Man Singing In Spanish ]
21:12
[Clapping ] - Damn, hombre, you can dance!
21:17
Bye. Have a beautiful time!
