All right. Turn it on. - [ Electricity Crackles ] — ClipClopulator

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All right. Turn it on. - [ Electricity Crackles ]

S06E04 Brains, Brains and Automobiles

14:51 – 14:54

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Previous lineDon't worry, Francine. We do it all the time with cats.Next line[ Thunderclap ] - It worked. I'm in Roger's mind.

Transcript

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00:05 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
00:08 I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:11 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
00:14 And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:20 Oh, boy, it's swell to say
00:24 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [ Grunts ]
00:29 [[ Chorus ] - Good morning, USA.
00:34 Nice. The mobile lab's back from the garage.
00:37 I see they didn't put on the semi-erotic mud flaps I suggested.
00:40 Can we get on with this? - Yes, of course.
00:43 Now, once you're in the brain of bin Laden's cat...
00:46 code name Buffy...
00:47 you're to find out if she's overheard any terrorist intel.
00:51 Then ask her why she tries to scratch me when I pet her.
00:55 Does she hate me? I do everything for her.
00:58 You know, Ray, this is highly experimental.
01:00 There's no guarantee you'll come out alive.
01:02 What do I care? My kids are out of the house. My wife left me.
01:07 Very good. Just sign right here.
01:09 Ray, you had a wife? I always thought—
01:12 I don't Know what I thought. I never think about you.
01:14 Anyway, Director Bullock, I have to take off early today.
01:16 My kids are leaving for the summer. - Uh-oh.
01:19 This is how it starts.
01:21 Ruth and I were happily married for 25 years.
01:24 But when the kids left for college, we sat down to dinner one night, and boom!
01:28 she realized how boring I was.
01:31 I'm not worried about that. Francine will never leave me.
01:34 Oh, yeah? Without your kids, you got no buffer.
01:38 And you're more boring than I am.
01:40 It's true. No one wants to eat lunch with you.
01:43 Well, even if I am boring, Francine will never find out. I've got an ace in the hole.
01:48 All right, Ray. You're going into the cat's mind in three, two—
01:52 [ Electricity Crackles ] - [ Groans ]
01:55 He's safely in. - Good.
01:57 [ Raspberries ]
02:00 Anybody else care for a go? It's super-fun.
02:05 Have fun at camp, honey.
02:07 If anyone needs me, I'll be living in a tree, protesting logging.
02:11 No one needs you.
02:13 [ Engine Starts ] - I can't believe my babies are leaving for the whole summer!
02:18 Hit it, hit it, hit it!
02:20 [ Tires Squeal ]
02:22 And don't write! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
02:25 For the first time in 18 years, we have the whole house to ourselves!
02:29 Just you and me getting to know each other all over again.
02:33 That sounds great, Francine, but I think you're forgetting about—
02:36 [ Explosion ]
02:39 the madman we hide in the attic.
02:41 He requires our constant attention.
02:43 sorry, honey. No alone time for us.
02:45 Phew. I had to get out of there. It really smelled.
02:48 I threw up in the shower, and it didn't go down the drain...
02:50 and now the tub's overflowing, and I want some iced tea, and I know you know I want it now!
02:57 Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
02:59 [ Groans ] Damn it!
03:01 Hey, F-bombs. - Roger, I see you're busy...
03:04 but I was thinking it's time I teach you how to do some stuff on your own.
03:08 The laundry, cleaning, making your own iced tea.
03:11 [ Single Note ]
03:14 [ Same Note ] & No
03:16 We can make a game Of it.
03:18 I'm gonna be Colton Lancington...
03:20 a renegade space cop who struggles to keep his bipolar disorder in check.
03:25 Okay, Colton.
03:26 You just had a busy space day...
03:29 and now you'd like to cool down with some intergalactic iced tea.
03:33 Now, you take two scoops of powder—
03:35 Colton doesn't take orders from nobody!
03:37 I'm off my meds!
03:43 Well, lookee, lookee.
03:45 Seems we've got ourselves a cabin of bunk-boobs next door.
03:48 I'm gonna freshen up, then, uh, make with the "introducies."
03:52 You're just gonna walk right up to those girls?
03:54 Snotters, this is camp.
03:56 We left our reputations as nerds back home.
03:58 It's a chance to reinvent ourselves.
04:01 Hey there. Name's Joss.
04:03 I'm a tennis player from Vegas...
04:06 but most people know me for my Niçoise salad.
04:09 [ Deep Voice ] I'm Leo.
04:11 I like making love with the lights on.
04:13 [ Boy ] Geeks! - Get 'em!
04:16 [ All Shouting ]
04:18 [ Shouting ] - [ Muffled Shouting ]
04:20 [ Karate Yell ]
04:24 You know how you're always making a mess and I have to clean it up?
04:27 Well, this invention— Roger?
04:30 Checking out my pow-pow. Continue.
04:32 What up, dink?
04:34 Cleaning up after Roger again?
04:37 Did he have another ticker tape parade because the deli finally named a sandwich after him?
04:41 Actually, Stan, I'm teaching Roger to be self-sufficient...
04:44 so we can finally have our alone time.
04:50 Now, there are three settings. - [ Beeps ]
04:53 Roger on a hard roll!
04:55 I got problems, fish.
04:57 Francine wants to spend the summer alone, just the two of us.
05:02 You are going to be sexing!
05:04 No, you don't get it. Francine and I haven't been alone together in 18 years.
05:09 Wh-What if she thinks I'm boring and leaves me?
05:12 I knew the kids couldn't be my buffer forever, but Roger was my ace in the hole.
05:16 If he learns how to take care of himself, it'll just be me and Francine.
05:19 That's why you're stressed? [ Chuckles ]
05:22 Stan, it's Roger. He can't do anything on his own.
05:26 You'll never have to worry about being alone with Francine.
05:30 [ Laughing ]
05:32 [ Laughs ] You're right. What am I thinking?
05:34 Roger's an idiot. He can't take care of himself. He's like a baby.
05:38 Or Africa. [I Laughing ] - [ Laughing ]
05:40 [ Klaus ] That's good. That was good.
05:43 I don't believe it.
05:44 We're here two minutes, and already we're branded as nerds.
05:47 I can't even wear my new sandals now! No one's gonna buy it!
05:50 Oh, face it, Steve.
05:52 No matter where we go, we're just gonna be... losers.
05:56 But how'd they figure it out so fast?
05:58 What do these guys got that we don't?
06:02 Oh, my God. That's it.
06:04 Boxer shorts!
06:06 Fellas, if we want to be cool...
06:08 we gotta shed these whities of tight and get ourselves some of those.
06:17 Stan, I have a surprise for you.
06:19 You know how I've been training Roger to be more self-sufficient?
06:22 Well, guess what he did this afternoon.
06:24 He moved out! We're finally alone.
06:28 No kids, no alien.
06:30 Just you and me.
06:32 Oh, and more good news.
06:34 The cable's out, and I just got my period.
06:37 So there's nothing to do but talk and talk and talk.
06:46 [ Whistling ] Roger!
06:48 [ Whistling ] Come here, boy.
06:50 Stan, he's not here. He got his own place.
06:53 Now let's go inside and talk.
06:55 We can't! We have to go visit Roger.
06:57 I got him a housewarming gift.
06:59 [ Grunts ] This is not from the both of us.
07:07 Stan, Francine.
07:09 Buenas noches. Welcome to mi casa.
07:12 Oh! You're learning Spanish.
07:14 You got to in this neighborhood if you want to read the McDonald's billboards.
07:17 This is for you.
07:19 All right.
07:21 Well, why don't I give you the tour.
07:23 This room is the kitchen, slash, bedroom, slash, living room, slash, dance studio.
07:29 Ahhh. My hammies.
07:31 It's wonderful, Roger. - How are you paying for this?
07:35 I got a job at Colonial Pet Store.
07:37 You? Working? - Francine, pour yourself a drink.
07:39 Stan and I need to talk.
07:43 I heard what you said— that I couldn't do anything on my own.
07:46 Well, look around, jerk. It's all mine.
07:48 And I'll have you know that I've only called 911 once today, because some cholos broke in.
07:53 They stole my swimming jeans.
07:55 Roger, look. I'm sorry you heard what I said.
07:58 Please, just move back home.
08:00 You miss me, huh? Miss my Dana Carvey impersonations?
08:03 Well, it's too late, Stan. I'm self-sufficient now. Get used to it!
08:09 [ Strained ] I don't want my rug to smell like smoke.
08:12 I'm so proud of you, Roger.
08:14 Yeah. You know, they say if a domestic pig escapes into the wild...
08:17 it will instinctively grow tusks.
08:20 Who says that?
08:22 [ Strained ] Your mother.
08:24 Stan, let's go home. Roger has a lot of unpacking to do.
08:27 No! I mean, uh, I'm sure Roger wants us to stay for dinner.
08:31 That is, unless he's incapable of making a meal.
08:34 [ Chuckles ] Oh, Stan.
08:37 I've got a freezer full of shu mai from Trader Joe's.
08:40 And for dessert, a huge-ass box of Chocodiles.
08:43 I hid 'em in the fridge for when the cholos come back.
08:46 And they will be back.
08:47 [ Whispers ] I gave the biggest one a key.
08:50 Wow. We're finally alone together.
08:53 Tell me something fascinating about you.
08:58 My God, I never realized how boring you are.
09:02 I'm leaving you. You're gonna die alone.
09:04 [ Screams ]
09:06 [ Screams ]
09:08 What's happening?
09:09 You fell asleep at Roger's after you asked him to count to a million.
09:13 We couldn't wake you up, so I carried you to the car.
09:16 [ Groans ] I ate two boxes of shu mai.
09:19 I got the pork sweats.
09:21 All right. I'll be up in a minute. - [ Burps ]
09:24 [ Francine ] I'm gross.
09:25 We were wrong, fish. Roger's moved out, and he's completely independent.
09:30 What am I gonna do? - Ask him to come back.
09:32 Yeah. I'll force him back.
09:36 I'll poison Roger, and he'll be too sick to take care of himself.
09:39 Then he'll have to come crawling home. - What?
09:41 All I have to do is keep him weak and needy until the kids come back.
09:48 You monster. I'll tell on you!
09:50 [ Growls ]
09:52 [ Grunts ]
09:54 [ Grunts ]
09:55 [ Grunts ]
09:57 What am I doing? - No!
10:05 Roger, what are you doing here? - Stan invited me for dinner. He misses me.
10:09 Oh, I brought you this. Tag! You're it.
10:12 Stan, you miss Roger. That's so sweet.
10:15 You and I can have alone time tomorrow.
10:17 [ Laughing ] Yes.
10:23 To Roger's independence.
10:28 [ Groaning ] I feel awful.
10:30 Roger, you should sleep here tonight. You're too sick to go home.
10:34 But I have to study my adult dog food manual.
10:37 [ Groaning ]
10:43 Now, we just go in and tell them we want men's boxer shorts.
10:47 I see you gents are interested in buying some underwear.
10:50 We want to get some boxer shorts like the cool kids have.
10:54 You can be followers, try and play catch-up to the trends.
10:58 Or you could set them.
11:01 Name's Mr. Clyde Templeton.
11:03 Can I buy you boys some lunch?
11:05 I never turn down lunch.
11:08 [ Deep Voice ] Or a big-ass bitch.
11:10 You guys really want to spin heads at that camp of yours?
11:14 You wear these.
11:16 Culottes.
11:17 Culottes? I don't know.
11:20 These'll make you superstars.
11:22 The cool kids will carry you through the streets.
11:24 Women will go hysterical.
11:26 Ooh! The stitching is wonderful.
11:30 You, sir, have made a sale.
11:32 Good. Good.
11:34 Here. These are thank-you notes from your nads.
11:41 Ray, I read your report from your time spent inside Buffy's brain.
11:45 Very comprehensive. Well done.
11:47 Buffy, I understand you think I smell weird...
11:51 but I believe it was my body wash, which I've changed...
11:54 so now you should love me.
11:59 [ Grunts ] Now where will you sleep, you ice queen?
12:02 You think you're better than me?
12:05 You're not better than me.
12:07 You're going to learn a hard, hard lesson.
12:13 [ Rings ]
12:15 Hello? - How about we go out to fondue tonight?
12:18 You and me and a nice dinner rolling right into cramps and diarrhea?
12:22 What about Roger? - He's feeling better.
12:24 He's even working his afternoon shift So were free.
12:28 So, Ray, uh, how is it being single?
12:31 Ah, not so bad.
12:41 Is this food appropriate for a small dog?
12:43 Oh, ma'am, I'm not qualified to answer that.
12:46 see, I only have one mouse on my name tag...
12:48 which means I do stocking, lifting and the like.
12:51 You need to talk to someone with at least one dog.
12:53 See, it goes one mouse, two mouse, one bird, two bird, then one dog, then two dog.
12:57 I hear there's a guy up in Portland with three dogs...
13:00 but I think that's just an office rumor.
13:02 Wouldn't it be something if it was true though?
13:04 Hey, Roger. What's goin' on?
13:07 Not much. Just boring myself and this old broad.
13:09 What's up? - Francine told me you went to work...
13:11 so I thought I'd bring you a juice to Keep your immune system up.
13:14 Mmm. Isn't that nice of you?
13:16 [ Groaning ]
13:18 Who will feed the chinchillas?
13:21 [ Shudders ]
13:22 You're too sick. We're getting you out of that apartment and bringing you back home.
13:28 You're freezing.
13:29 I'll get you some blankets.
13:31 Looks like you're here to stay, Roger.
13:34 This calls for a celebration.
13:37 Frannie, will you make me some iced tea?
13:42 Anybody?
13:43 No. You know what? I can do it myself.
13:54 éé [ Vocalizing: Cancan ]
14:00 [ Francine Screams ] I]
14:01 [ Jabbering ]
14:04 Oh, my God! Stan!
14:06 Oh. He's doing his Heath Ledger impression.
14:08 Oh. Too soon, Roger. Too soon.
14:16 How's he doin'? - He seems to be stabilized...
14:18 but he's not coming out of the coma.
14:20 Well, I guess there's nothing we can do except wait.
14:23 Just the two of us.
14:25 Oh, F.Y.I., the cable repairman canceled on me...
14:29 and I'm having one of my famous 10-day periods. - I have an idea!
14:37 You're sure you know what you're doing?
14:40 Roger's in a coma.
14:41 All I have to do is use this device to go into his brain...
14:45 find him in his unconscious...
14:46 and bring him over to the conscious side.
14:49 Don't worry, Francine. We do it all the time with cats.
14:51 All right. Turn it on. - [ Electricity Crackles ]
14:56 [ Thunderclap ] - It worked. I'm in Roger's mind.
15:00 Now, to find him.
15:05 [ Thunderclaps ]
15:11 Hello, pretty bird.
15:15 [ Squealing ]
15:17 [ Screams ]
15:19 [ Squealing ]
15:22 Oh, Stan. I hope you don't get lost in there.
15:25 What if you die? [ Gasps ] I left my soda in the freezer!
15:30 Francine! Let's do some shots!
15:33 Klaus? What are you doing in here?
15:35 Stan put me in here two days ago.
15:37 The only reason I didn't freeze to death is I filled my bowl with that bottle of vodka.
15:42 Why'd he put you in the freezer? - Oh, I'll tell you why.
16:02 Hey, Chocodile. Watch where you're goin'.
16:05 Oh, hell no. [ Growls ]
16:25 Bye-bye.
16:26 [ Sighs ]
16:28 [ Francine ] You bastard!
16:31 [ Stan ] Francine?
16:35 Francine, what are you— - Klaus told me you've been poisoning Roger...
16:38 just because you don't want to spend time alone with me.
16:42 Forget it, Stan. I'm gonna get Roger out...
16:45 and then when we get home, you can have all the alone time you want...
16:49 because I'm not gonna be there.
16:51 Francine, wait! It's dangerous in here.
16:55 , [ Ballad ] -, As time goes on,'
16:58 Francine!
16:59 I realize
17:03 Francine! [ Echoes ]
17:04 just what you mean
17:09 e foment
17:13 [ High-pitched Groaning ]
17:17 Who are you? - Roger's conscience.
17:21 Oh, my God. You're dying of neglect.
17:23 Kill me.
17:26 [ Groaning ]
17:29 Tom Skerritt?
17:30 [ Weakly ] Get me work.
17:35 Oh, my. Is it time to change already?
17:39 Yep. Time to peel out of these old dungarees.
17:43 [ Steve ] You boys ready for that swim test today, or what?
17:51 [ Snaps ]
17:52 [ All Shouting ] - Look at us, fellas!
17:55 The underwear works! Just like Clyde said it would.
17:58 Put 'em in the girls' cabin!
18:00 They're so impressed, they're bringing us straight to their women.
18:03 [ Screaming ]
18:05 If only we could thank that magical mystery underwear salesman.
18:10 Oh, I don't think we've seen the last of him.
18:13 [ Train Whistle Blows ]
18:18 [ Train Whistle Blows ]
18:28 [ Gasps ] It's breathtaking.
18:33 The cherry blossoms, the rolling hills...
18:37 the three Urkels grazing in a meadow.
18:44 [ Electricity Crackling ]
18:46 Francine!
18:50 No, no. I'll never tell anyone.
18:52 Your reputation is safe with me.
18:56 Hey, fellas. I nailed her. It was so easy!
19:00 [ Whimpering, Sobbing ]
19:07 [ Robotic Voice ] "I am Vicki, voice input child identicant.
19:11 What are tears?" - Next.
19:17 [ Horn Honks ]
19:19 Learn how to drive, you bitch!
19:20 Relax, M.C. Raw G. Let it go.
19:23 Are you kiddin'? Nobody cuts off Biggie Smalls.
19:26 [ Tires Squeal, Screech ]
19:28 Hey, jackass! You want some of this?
19:30 [ Gunshots ]
19:33 [ Tires Squeal ]
19:35 [ Exhales ]
19:39 He said he made this for me.
19:41 Stan ] No, you dont get it Francine and I havent been alone together in 18 years.
19:46 What if she thinks I'm boring and leaves me?
19:50 Is that true? Is that why you were afraid to be alone with me?
19:54 Because you thought I'd be bored with you?
19:56 Well, yeah.
19:58 stan, you might not be interesting, but you're definitely not boring.
20:03 I mean, the kids have only been gone for two days, and look at us.
20:06 We're inside an alien's brain.
20:09 So you're not gonna sit down to dinner and realize you don't want to be with me anymore?
20:13 No, honey. I Know who you are, and I love you.
20:17 [ Both Sigh ]
20:18 Come on. Let's go get Roger.
20:29 No, Francine. He needs a prince.
20:37 [ Groans, Spits ]
20:39 What the hell are you doing? - Me? You're the one making a move.
20:42 I was just napping on this pedestal in the perfect light in my most prettiest dress.
20:46 Roger, you're in a coma.
20:48 We're in your brain to help you wake up and bring you home.
20:51 Home?
20:52 You mean your home?
20:54 That's right. - Oh, thank God. I hated my apartment.
20:57 I don't know if you noticed, but it didn't have a bathroom.
20:59 I won't be getting that security deposit back.
21:04 Hey. Guess who I had lunch with today.
21:06 Tom Skerritt. - Oh, that's interesting.
21:09 Oh, yeah. I guess it is.
21:12 Bye-bye!
21:49 Bye! Have a beautiful time.