You said I was the most precious thing in your life... — ClipClopulator

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You said I was the most precious thing in your life...

S07E10 Stanny Boy and Frantastic

09:33 – 09:35

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09:34.1
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09:36.1

Previous lineYou came into my room and woke me up?Next lineand you were ready to be adult friends and that I could call you Francine.

Transcript

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00:04 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
00:07 I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
00:10 The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪
00:13 And he's shining a salute to the American race
00:19 Oh, boy, it's swell to say
00:23 Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ [ Grunts ]
00:28 [[ Chorus ] - Good morning, USA.
00:31 [ Dog Barking In Distance ]
00:37 Hey, did I ever tell you the story...
00:38 of the time I got my head stuck in the banister?
00:41 196 times. In fact, why don't I tell it to you?
00:45 You were eight and got your head stuck in the staircase banister.
00:48 So your mother buttered your ears and slid you out.
00:50 And that's why, to this day...
00:51 you always carry a stick of butter in your purse.
00:55 Yup. [ Sighs ] That's the banister story.
00:59 Oh, my God. Is this what our life is gonna be?
01:02 Just you and me...
01:04 telling each other the same old story over and over?
01:07 Just say the word, and we'll jump into the suicide pit.
01:09 [ Snarling, Growling ]
01:12 You'd like it if we jumped down there, wouldn't you?
01:15 You want my hand? You want this finger, huh? Huh?
01:18 No, don't- Don't tease 'em.
01:21 [ Yelps ]
01:22 I won tickets to the new Cirque du Soleil show next week.
01:25 Cirque du Soleil Moon Frye.
01:26 Oh, I've heard of that one. Top-heavy actresses get stuck in a refrigerator...
01:31 and have to dance their way out.
01:33 Great. That sounds like somethin' to do. We'll take those.
01:35 Hey, you guys can't do this.
01:38 [ Snarling, Roaring ] - I think we can.
01:44 Oh, look, there's four. We can take another couple!
01:47 What about Gary and Lisa? - He's great, but I hate her.
01:50 How about Ted and Linda?
01:51 she's great, but I hate him.
01:53 Greg and Terry? - Both great!
01:56 Hey, it's Francine. We have extra tickets to a show next Thursday.
02:01 [ Laughs ] Okay, great.
02:06 It turns out, they hate us. - I can see that.
02:09 [Announcer ]/ Why pay 10 bucks for pre-bagged cotton candy...
02:13 when you can have it fresh at any time?
02:17 [All] Ooh!
02:18 With the Cotton Candy Shooter...
02:20 you can have portable perfection in the palm of your hand
02:28 Yes, I'd like to order the Cotton Candy Shooter.
02:31 We are going to have so much fun with this!
02:33 What are you gonna do with a portable Cotton Candy Shooter?
02:36 You're stuck in a fish bowl! You don't need portability.
02:38 No, I'm here. I was just mocking my stupid friend.
02:41 Anyway, last four digits, 5-6-6-4, expiration 8/12.
02:46 Yeah, Greg Corbin. Thank you.
02:48 I stole a credit card from Greg and Terry's mailbox.
02:51 Long as I don't charge over 40 bucks, they never catch on.
02:54 They get the bill, and it goes somethin' like this:
02:56 "Honey, did you spend 14.99 at a place called C.C.S. Enterprises?"
03:00 "Hmm, is that that new wine store on Grove Street?"
03:02 "Maybe. I also got a couple of vintage butter dishes off ebay. Could be that."
03:06 "And don't forget that hmm-hmm that came in the brown paper package."
03:09 "Tie me up with string, 'cause that was my favorite thing!"
03:11 After that, they do it on the Viking range top and end up ignoring the charge.
03:17 Tuck yourself in tonight. We'll be late.
03:19 Where you gotta be that's so damn important, I don't get a forehead kiss?
03:22 Your mother and I are gonna go try to make some friends.
03:26 [ Door Closes ]
03:28 I'll kiss your forehead for you.
03:32 [ Muffled Cries ]
03:34 I got ya. I got ya. I got ya.
03:39 They look like a couple we can be friends with.
03:42 Hey, the wife and I have the exact same set of—
03:45 Ah! Oh, my God! No! No! No! You're hideous.
03:47 stan, aren't you gonna introduce me to your—
03:49 [ Shouts ] No! Come on!
03:55 [ Chattering ]
03:56 [ Grunts ] - Strike!
03:58 [ Child ] Good one! - They're so cute out there, aren't they?
04:00 Which one's yours? - Um, number 12.
04:04 That's ours. - I meant number 21.
04:08 The black one? - Yes. My wife here cheated on me.
04:12 Anyway, you guys wanna grab some sush?
04:18 [ Circus ]
04:22 Well, I sold the extra tickets.
04:24 I can't believe we couldn't find one couple friend.
04:26 I can't believe this place doesn't serve booze.
04:29 What?
04:30 There's the guy I sold the seats to.
04:31 I'm so glad you had those extra tickets.
04:33 You know, the wife and I have been really curious about this show.
04:36 We snuck in some margaritas. Do you guys want one?
04:39 Can't believe they don't sell booze.
04:41 We were just saying] - Totally!
04:43 They're a couple! - They're perfect!
04:46 Ow, you elbowed my booby!
04:48 I'm sorry. - It's cool.
04:52 I have had it with the malt shop.
04:55 Kids don't come in anymore. [ Sighs ]
04:57 Who killed small-town America, Steve?
04:59 Cell phones, texting and blogs. That's who.
05:02 I remember the good old days...
05:04 when "Twitter" was just another word for late-night beaver down by the creek.
05:07 Cheer up, Roger. The Cotton Candy Shooter came.
05:09 What? Why didn't you tell me? Give it! Give it!
05:12 [ Rattles ]
05:15 [ Whirs, Stops ] - What the hell? It doesn't work!
05:18 This thing is a piece of crap!
05:20 Get my tub of chalk!
05:22 I'm gonna write some swear words on the driveway, blow off some steam.
05:25 Wait! You have to make them accountable for their shoddy product.
05:28 Yeah! They can't rip us off like that! We ain't no chumps!
05:32 [ Rings ] - [I Woman] Thank you for calling C.C.S. Enterprises.
05:35 Your estimated wait time is two...
05:38 weeks. - What? Forget it!
05:40 Don't hang up! If you hang up, they win!
05:43 I will not be a loser. I will stay on this phone as long as it takes.
05:47 Steve, go get the diaper I sleep in after Indian food.
05:50 [ Upbeat ]
05:51 [ Audience ] Ooh
05:52 Whoo! - [ Man ] Oh! Wow!
05:54 She was stuck in the banister for three days!
05:57 And to this day, I always carry a stick of butter in my purse.
06:00 She totally does! That is so awesome! - Shh. Come on.
06:03 Hey, pal, mind your own business. My friends are telling a story.
06:06 You hear that? He said friends!
06:08 And he called my dumb ramblings a story!
06:12 [ Vehicle Whizzes Past ]
06:14 Do you think they'll call? I wonder if they'll call.
06:17 Maybe we should call them. - No! We don't want to seem too needy.
06:20 [ Rings ]
06:21 It's them! They don't play games!
06:24 Hey, guys! They want us to go out to dinner.
06:28 That sounds great! 8:30. It's a little late.
06:31 It's fine. Say yes! Say yes! - We'd love to!
06:34 Okay, see you then.
06:36 We did it! We have a real, live double-date!
06:39 [ Squeals ] What am I gonna wear?
06:42 Maybe this blue suit with the white shirt and the black tie.
06:46 Yeah, that's it. That'll look nice.
06:48 I'm telling you, it's always funny.
06:50 Oh, he's right. You can't see a guy get hit in the groin and not laugh.
06:55 [ Groans ] - [ Laughing ]
06:58 I cannot tell you guys how glad we are to have found you.
07:01 The last couple we met was so boring.
07:03 Well, that's because they were so old. I mean, they were, like, 40.
07:06 Forty? [ Chuckles ]
07:08 What? Was he from that village in China where they live forever?
07:11 [I Laughs ] - Forty! I'm about to have my 30th, and I'm freaking.
07:16 [ Groans ] Thank God I don't have to think about that for another...
07:19 15 years.
07:21 Oh! My curfew! What time is it?
07:23 Can you drop me off at the roller rink? That's where my dad thinks I am.
07:27 Too far. Reel it in.
07:28 You know, what's really gonna make us feel grown-up is having kids.
07:31 Jinx, jinx, jinx. I can't hear you.
07:33 I'm tellin' you, we use double birth control— Condoms and spermicide.
07:36 We don't want kids for a long time.
07:38 It's good to be young without kids. - We kill kids.
07:41 Reel it in.
07:43 Hey, it's only midnight! How about another bottle? Huh?
07:46 We'll hit up an after-hours club. - [ Winces ]
07:48 What? You're not tired, are ya?
07:50 No! No! We're awake!
07:52 Yep! Wide awake and ready to party. Check it out.
07:54 [ Groans ] - [ Laughing ]
07:58 Well done, sir. [ Winces ]
08:00 Tonight, for dessert, we have figs or dates...
08:03 both in a sweet yogurt sauce. - [ Crashes ]
08:06 Like most ethnic foods, our desserts... are disappointing.
08:14 [ Muzak On Phone]
08:16 Kinda tranquil. No one's dying in Chicago tonight.
08:19 [ Gasps ] - [I Slurring ] Look, Stan. Kitchen people!
08:27 We had the best— Oh, the bread fell.
08:29 We-We had the best dinner, you guys.
08:32 I love it! 3:00 in the morning, and you guys are hammered!
08:37 Your head is so funny-looking! [ Laughs ]
08:40 [I Scatting ] It's so bulbous. - Okay.
08:46 Ow! I need those!
08:48 Do I look smart? Stan! Look at me smart!
08:51 Oh, my God. Mac and cheese! We need mac and cheese.
08:56 Yes! So much yes!
09:04 [ Snoring ] What the—
09:07 [ Groans ]
09:11 st. Ides? Were we drinking 40s?
09:14 What... happened?
09:17 You passed out making mac and cheese.
09:19 Why didn't you turn off the stove? - You guys laughed at my head.
09:24 Now you ruined a pot. Happy with yourselves?
09:27 Hey, you! Ready for our mother-daughter day?
09:29 What are you talking about? - Last night!
09:31 You came into my room and woke me up?
09:33 You said I was the most precious thing in your life...
09:35 and you were ready to be adult friends and that I could call you Francine.
09:38 You said we'd spend the day having fun together.
09:40 Oh, no. No to all of that. - [ Water Running ]
09:44 [ Retches ]
09:46 [ Gulping ] - [ Cell Phone Rings ]
09:48 [ Beeps ] - Hello.
09:49 Hey, you guys ready? - [ Stan ] Hmm?
09:51 For rock climbing. Remember? We said last night?
09:53 We're outside! Let's go!
09:55 They want us to go rock climbing.
09:57 W-We don't have any equipment or, um—
09:59 Not a problem! We gotcha covered
10:02 Hey, if you guys need a few minutes, we'll come in and make mimosas.
10:05 No! We'll be right out. - [ Beeps ]
10:08 Stan, I can't. I feel like the tattoo on Aida Turturro's left boob.
10:14 I feel gross.
10:16 Tony Soprano's sister. - Oh.
10:19 But this is Tom and Cami, the best couple we've ever met!
10:23 If we lose them, it's just you, me and the banister story.
10:27 Okay. Okay.
10:29 Let's do this! [ Gulps ]
10:32 [ Belches ]
10:35 [ Chuckles ] Delightful.
10:43 [ Screeches ]
10:47 [ Snoring ]
10:48 Francine! - [ Snorts ] Oh!
10:50 Hey, Stanny-boy! Frantastic!
10:52 Get up here! The view is amazing]
10:54 Did you hear that? They gave us nicknames!
10:57 The only nickname I ever got was in eighth grade.
10:59 They called me Stan Frank because I was always hiding and writing in my diary.
11:03 I need this new nickname, Francine! Now get your buns moving!
11:11 Stan and I are so glad we met you guys.
11:14 How good does a beer sound? Let's see if this place has yards.
11:19 Mom! I've been looking for you guys.
11:22 There's no food in the house, and Roger and I are stuck on hold. We're starving!
11:26 Just... grab 20 bucks from my purse and get the hell outta here.
11:30 They got 37 microbrews in this pub.
11:32 Gypsy! - Aah! Mommy!
11:35 Downtown Langley has a real Gypsy problem lately.
11:38 They call you Mommy to try to tug on your heartstrings. - [ Grunts ]
11:41 Why, Mommy? I'm a piece of you.
11:48 Hey, guys. So glad you suggested a nice, easy jog.
11:51 Is there a track up here or something?
11:53 What? You've never been free-running? Oh, you're gonna love it. Let's go!
11:56 [ Grunts ]
11:59 Okay, there is no way in hell—
12:02 [ Shouts ]
12:05 [ Grunts ]
12:10 [ Grunts ]
12:13 [ Groans ]
12:16 [ Panting ]
12:20 [ Both Grunt ]
12:27 [ Grunts ]
12:31 [ Grunts ]
12:33 [ Grunts ]
12:34 [ Grunts ]
12:36 [ Grunts ]
12:38 [ Groaning ]
12:49 [ Groaning, Panting ]
12:55 [ Screams, Grunts ]
12:57 [ Groans ] Francine!
13:00 Stan, don't move! I'm coming!
13:08 [ Grunts ] - [ Shouting ]
13:11 [ Shouting ]
13:14 My sunscreen!
13:16 [ Panting ]
13:18 Oh, yeah. - Yeah, sweet free-run.
13:20 Whew. Good, uh— Good free-run.
13:23 Dude, is that your shinbone?
13:25 Yep. Compound fracture feels good after a workout, huh?
13:29 Nice to air out the bones a little.
13:31 [ Groans ]
13:33 I'm gonna chill here, catch my breath, go into shock.
13:36 I'll meet up with you at the tiki bar.
13:41 [ Grunts ] - [ Woman ] Get it, boy!
13:44 [ Panting ] - [ Screams ]
13:46 That's not your bone, silly. Who's a silly boy?
13:49 It's okay. He's friendly.
13:50 [ Growls ] - [ Screams ]
13:54 [ Muzak On Phone]
13:56 [ Woman ] Thank you for calling C.C.S. Enterprises.
13:59 if you know the department you'd like to reach, please say it now.
14:02 Billing! - Did you say, "Beverly Billingsley?
14:05 No! Billing! Billing!
14:07 Transferring to... Beverly Billingsley.
14:10 [ Woman ] I] Hello? - Go screw yourself!
14:13 Why does everyone keep calling and saying that?
14:16 Well, I'm not one to disappoint my fans. Guess this'll do.
14:22 [ Steve ] Hello? Can you please transfer me to Customer Service?
14:28 We gotta pull ourselves together. We're meeting 'em in 20 minutes.
14:32 Okay, okay, we can do this. Are you ready? - I'm ready!
14:35 [ Both Grunting ]
14:41 [ Shouting ]
14:45 I am so glad you guys could join us for brunch. - We wouldn't miss it.
14:48 Yay! More alcohol.
14:54 So Tommy and I have a great idea for a trip the four of us can take.
14:57 There's this vertical glacier in Alaska that you can ski.
15:01 Oh, it's a fantastic challenge.
15:02 You know, about 30% of the people who try it die. But they're all old.
15:07 That sounds... great.
15:09 Terrific! Race you to the omelet bar!
15:12 We can't go.
15:14 No way. This has gone too far.
15:16 I miss being over 40.
15:18 But if we don't keep up with Tom and Cami, we'll lose them.
15:23 Maybe we can't keep up with them, but we can slow them down.
15:29 We sabotage their birth control...
15:31 and give Tom and Cami the gift of lifelong responsibility
15:37 We have 45 minutes until they get back from their midnight triathlon.
15:40 Barf to that hobby.
15:42 Got the condoms! - Found the spermicide!
15:46 Hey, I get the part where if Tom and Cami have a kid...
15:49 they'll have to slow down like us...
15:51 but how do we know they'll keep the baby?
15:53 Oh, they're not gonna abort it.
15:55 'Cause they're awesome.
16:02 [ Chattering ]
16:04 Tom-Tom! Cameo! Have some wine.
16:07 Actually, we have some news.
16:11 Oh, congratulations!
16:13 We haven't even told you our news.
16:15 Oh, but having news is great!
16:18 I love news! I'm like the Cookie Monster with news!
16:22 News! Num-num-num-num-num-num-num! - Francine.
16:24 [ Sighs ] Well, it's early, but... we're pregnant.
16:28 I guess that means we can't go on that ski trip.
16:32 You're really gonna have to slow down now, huh?
16:35 I don't know how this happened.
16:37 You must've put the condom on wrong.
16:39 Well, even if I did, you clearly did not use your spermicide.
16:42 I did. I just—
16:44 Maybe it turned bad. There were so many ants!
16:49 It's been like this since we found out.
16:51 We just aren't ready for a baby.
16:54 [ Muffled ] I'm so furious! I told you—
16:57 No, I got it! - [ Indistinct ]
16:59 [ Indistinct ] - Honey, no.
17:00 Oh, yeah. Guess what. Guess what. - No, I got it.
17:03 If you had, I wouldn't have a kid in my stomach!
17:05 How many times do I have to say sorry?
17:07 [ Shouts ]
17:11 They're gonna be fine.
17:13 Guys, I'm sorry. Cami and I are through.
17:15 [ Gasps ] No.
17:17 Oh, come on You guys have to stay together.
17:20 Yeah, the four of us have so much fun!
17:22 Hey, remember this? - [ Groans ]
17:25 Yeah, I guess the one time it's not funny...
17:27 is when the life you've built with the woman you love comes crashing down around you.
17:31 [ Sobs ]
17:35 We have to fix this.
17:42 Good. I see we're on the same page here about what we have to do.
17:45 Clean up the house, hang up all our coats...
17:47 and figure out how to get Tom and Cami back together.
17:50 Guess what. I won tickets to the new Cirque du Soleil show...
17:53 Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
17:54 Oh, based on Fat Albert?
17:56 Oh, no, I-i said it wrong. It's Cirque du Hey, Hey, Hey.
17:59 It's based on What's Happening.
18:01 We'll take those. - Hey!
18:05 Turkeys.
18:08 This is perfect!
18:09 You give a ticket to Cami, and I'll give one to Tom.
18:11 Then when they show up at the show, they'll remember how good we all were together...
18:14 and fall back in love.
18:16 Oh, Richard Lewis is opening! That means we don't have to go early!
18:22 We're gonna get our best friends back!
18:24 Okay. But eventually Mom and I need to discuss...
18:27 the vicious purse beating she gave me last time I saw her!
18:30 [ Clicks ] - I got a person!
18:32 Hello? Yes. I was very displeased with the Cotton Candy Shooter.
18:36 I want a full refund.
18:38 Tha— Thank you.
18:40 We send it back, and they refund our credit card the entire amount.
18:43 We did it! - Yay! Whoo-hoo!
18:47 Yes, you got $14.99 refunded...
18:52 back to Greg and Terry's credit card.
18:55 [ Gasps ] I forgot we used their card.
18:58 Who cares about Greg and Terry's money?
19:00 You knew all along! Why did you goad us on every step of the way?
19:05 Remember that crack you made...
19:07 about me not being able to enjoy portable things?
19:10 Well, I can enjoy making you two suffer.
19:13 You'll never get back those days you spent on hold, you asswads!
19:16 [ Laughs Maniacally ]
19:21 Are we stupid, Steve? No, honestly, are we?
19:24 I mean, I have a master's in City Planning from Howard University.
19:27 I could tell you where your convention center should go...
19:29 but I can't tell you when a fish is giving me the business.
19:34 [Funk]
19:46 Oh, are you kidding me? - You really thought this old trick would work?
19:50 Wait! Just hear us out.
19:53 You two are pretty much the best couple we've ever met.
19:55 You're perfect for each other. You have to stay together.
19:59 It's-It's too late.
20:01 A baby doesn't ruin your life! It makes it great!
20:04 How would you know? - Because we have two of them.
20:07 What? - Remember that Gypsy I punched on the street?
20:11 That was my son. - You lied!
20:13 Yes, but we're not lying about this.
20:16 Having kids is great, even if it means having to slow down.
20:19 Trust us. As soon as you have that baby...
20:22 you're gonna be so glad we broke into your house and sabotaged your birth control.
20:26 You what? - You two are monsters!
20:30 You were right. You said there was something off about them.
20:32 Yeah, you said there was no way she was a day under 40.
20:35 You bitch! - Honey, she's right.
20:37 Oh, Cami, I'll never doubt you again. I missed you.
20:41 Come on. Let's get out of here before one of these geezers has a heart attack.
20:46 Why would I tweezer my fart crack?
20:48 Stupid kids.
20:50 You know, Stan, maybe it's best if we don't have friends.
20:53 What do you say you and me go home...
20:55 and tell each other boring stories for the rest of our lives?
20:58 That sounds perfect.
21:01 [ Funk Continues ]
21:03 You guys have been talking through the whole damn show. - Watch this.
21:06 I'm so sorry. Nut punch!
21:08 Block! Counter nut punch! - [ Laughing ]
21:11 Always... funny.
21:46 Bye! Have a beautiful time.